Asher Daniel Chappell

Meeting Jack's mom

We drove south for about 2 hours and just when we were in the middle of seemingly nowhere, we saw it... lots and lots of buildings surrounded by fences and barbed wire loops. We found the one where Jack's mom was at and pulled up. This was a totally new experience for us, we had no idea what to expect. The guards were super nice but professionally suspicious because they had to be.  Our car was searched, Dan was wearing shorts and was told he couldn't, but Praise God we had his dry cleaning still in the back seat wadded up waiting to be taken in, so he was super stylin' in his polo, flip flops and wrinkled pin striped suit pants!! :o) The next station we were frisked, and ID'ed and told what we could and couldn't do.... we headed into the visitor area.... A lady stopped and said "oh' by the way, you know you're going to be talking through a window and on phones to her, right?" nope. we didn't know that. My heart sunk in disappointment, I don't know if it was more for her or more for me and Jack. Apparently she hadn't done the right paperwork to get to be able to see Jack in person.  

 

So, we entered into the sterile room and got assigned a window and waited... we had to wait about 45 minutes due to the daily count being done. Anyway, she finally appeared. She couldn't look much older than 15, but cute as a button. I could see Jack in her, although seeing her told me that Jack probably resembles his dad a lot too. She seemed happy to see him. It was challenging though because Dan and I could talk and hear through the phones but if you've ever tried to get a 8 month old to listen on the phone... it's not easy. So, he really couldn't connect with her much. 

I found myself talking a lot to her. She was very engaging and has the most cute voice. We told her what Jack's been up to lately, and about what we've been up to. She started right out telling us how hard of a time Jack's dad is having with all this. She admitted that it's not as hard for her because of this being the 3rd time she has had a child taken away from her. We told her that due to paperwork and requirements to go see Jack's dad who is a lot farther away than she is from us.. that we weren't going to be able to go see him anytime soon... probably not until he's almost 1.  I hate that, but it's just the way it is right now.  She tried to be understanding... but that girl, she is all about that guy.  

She really didn't show much emotion when it came to Jack. I don't know what I was expecting, and I'm sure having a soundproof window in-between them didn't help. But there was definitely a lack of connection between her and him, it was almost like we were going to visit a former babysitter of his or something. She was really interested in talking with us though... I know she's probably lonely there. So... we talked.  

2 hours passed very quickly and Jack was a trooper even though he was so sleepy and this was so off schedule for him normally. His mom went on to explain/complain about the unit she was at almost like a teenager would about their parents after being grounded and stripped of privileges. From a conversation with the entry guard and then hearing what she was saying it was beginning to sound like she wasn't having an easy time there and that there had been issues and consequences for certain actions. Her basis of thinking she was going to be getting out this coming fall was Obama's economy plan and how she's heard his cutbacks will hopefully entail the release of non violent first time offenders. That may be true. That may also be what she hopes is going to happen. I'm sure it's easy to cling to whatever hope presents itself. 

Regardless, I did find myself having lots of compassion on her. I don't know why I've thought before that prison in America was not that hard of a place to be... but I do know after this visit, I had a new perspective on those who find themselves serving time for whatever reason. I also thought what a huge ministry that must be for believers who are guards or inmates. Hope. So many I'm sure look for it to be outside that place... but what some I'm sure know is that it is within you. I wrote Jack's dad in a letter that many people live free lives but are bound to a life of misery and bondage to sin.... but what a perspective it is to think that some have had to leave that "free" life to find Christ in prison and although may be "bound" are truly free and truly can find joy in every circumstance.  I'm hoping and praying this is the case for Jack's mom and dad.  

As we said goodbye, we gathered our things and were checked outside to the gate. We drove off in silence as Jack drifted to sleep almost immediately. We really didn't know what to think. So much of what she said we were having to process and wonder what was her experience and what was reality. We felt good having seen her and heard her voice. We wanted her to know we cared about her. We wanted her to know we loved her son and that he was thriving! 

Dan looked at  me and said, "you know, we got into this offering our care for 9-12 months and then they agreed to let us adopt him after that if they couldn't care for him.  Well, this probably isn't going to be resolved anytime soon and will probably take a lot longer until he is either permanently with us or back with his parents.... we may even be looking at 2-3 years."

 I said, "I know. I think I knew that from the beginning" 

He said. "Yeah, me too."  

 
 

 

   

I LOVE Zoe's Birthmom!

We walked into the Appleby's, both Dan and I a little nervous. Would she show up? Would she cry? How would Zoe act? We were seated and we waited for her while feelings of gratefulness and protectiveness both churned inside our hearts. This woman had given us our daughter. We had visited with her in the hospital, but those moments had been so lightly tredded on because nothing was for sure. Now, everything was for certain... we are zoe's parents forevermore. Her birth mom was also forevermore living with her decision.... no going back. 

 She came in a bubbly vibrant woman! Her excitement at seeing Zoe was obvious to all... and I do mean ALL who was in the restaurant. I think it was her outgoing loud demenor that made Zoe immediately want to go to her. She has a very disarming way about her that reminded me of why I was immediately in love with her in the hospital and why I wept so fiercely during the moments of her leaving zoe in the agency's care. I like her. She would have been a good mom to zoe. But good wasn't enough for her... she wanted better for her little girl. And she wanted better for her older daughter. And that wish involved sacrifice. It was so refreshing to sit here 18 months later and hear her speak of no regrets and retell the story of how she knew we were "the ones" and how meeting us the day zoe was born only confirmed that. She said she kept praying before she met us for us to be as wonderful as we were in our letter to her.... she said her prayer was answered the day we walked into that hospital room. :o) I felt so loved... by her and by a very good God.   

As we ordered lunch and played with zoe, we talked about her life, our life and all that God was doing in each. Zoe's birthmom "S" was doing Wonderful!! God was doing all sorts of great things in her life and she is really reaching for goals in life and in business. She shared her business dreams with us.  Girl, I hope you do it!! Zoe and I will be there for you on opening day! 

We did get many looks, some of confusion as I could almost see the gears turning from them trying to figure out the connection at this table, some of sweetness and admiration. It was a very special time for all of us.  

I've wanted to blog about this ever since that day... but a part of me just couldn't write it down. I mean, I can talk about it all day long, but I think I've come to realize that typing on this blog really is dumping elements of my soul that is hard to reach... even for me. So, while I'm glad to have this recorded and have it to share with you... the process of getting it written out is at times emotional and exhausting. It's almost like the well of where I store things that are precious and painful and meaningful and hard and confusing and especially the things that I feel are things that I alone must feel or carry... that well is getting deeper and tougher to dip into. I don't know much about things like this... maybe it's normal... maybe it's settling but just deeper.... maybe I have issues... who knows.  But I do know that there are moments that I am able to "go there" it's just a very rare day...  which I battle knowing if that's God mercy or my hardness.  

But right now... in this moment. I'm happy to go there, I'm happy to try to share just a bit of what my heart felt that day a few weeks ago. I'm happy to let you know more about this person who God brought into our life in such an amazing way.  "S" I love you! You have a permanent place in my heart. And I'm so proud of you and grateful for your gift of love to this family. 

 

  

 

 

 

 

   

   

 

Zoe's first time to the Beach!

What a joy it was to take Zoe to Carolina Beach this past week. Not only was it a mild weather... we had amazing company join us for a great memorial day!!! Kristin, Nicole, Alicia and Wes and Angey all joined us for a wonderful Memorial Day celebration! Christa drove down from Augusta the next day. We were in Friend Hog Heaven!!!   

But the most wonderful thing was watching my daughter LOVE the ocean and sand and pool!!! She is quite the water lover.  Enjoy these pics! 

 

 

 

 
  

 

*don't judge. :o) 

 

 

 
 
  

Ten.4.Tues. { life happenings }

1. This is my busy season. In 9 weeks I"ll have been to Raleigh and back 5 times. Whew! This last time I went without any kids and it was a wonderful break for me... but next time I'm bringing Zoe and then the next I'll bring Jacky boy, and the last one... will be just me + dan = 6th anniversary getaway! :o)  

2. Zoe is getting SO verbal. She is talking all the time and learning new sounds and words daily. This age is SO much fun!  

3. Jack turned 6 months!! (pics of his half birthday cake coming soon) 

4. Had the First Raleigh/Wake Forest All girls photographers get-together this last week. We met at The Flying Biscuit and featured cupcakes from the cupcake shoppe in Raleigh. So delish! Not everyone could be there but this was only the first of hopefully many gatherings to come. As a photographer, I LOVE to network. Mostly because those girls GET what my work is like... they understand what pressures and joys I handle with weddings, shoots, etc... And They are Creative Geniuses!!! So, just sitting next to them, I feel inspired. I love being around them.  (and why if I'm in TX now, am I putting effort into NC gals... because I can and I've been wanting to for a long time!) *and having lived somewhere for 10 years helps when it comes to networking and encouraging others and featuring vendors. 

 

5. Sad for me but happy for her, one of my good friends here is moving to the beach. She is going to LOVE being that close to the ocean and amazing sunsets and fresh breezes...but it's 6 hours away from me. I miss being 1.5 hours away from good ol' NC beach!! I LOVE the beach... truly. I love you too sami....truly.  

6. I'm amazed at the people I meet while flying. I'm serious. I met the most amazing flight attendant a while back who just spent so much time talking with me about adoption and then held Zoe for a long time. (this enabled me to read the airline magazine and feel like a real savvy traveler vs. a mom with 3 bags and a fussy baby)  This last trip home, I came prepared with 2 magazines and no baby. At the last minute I switched my seat up just one row. And ended up sitting next to the nicest woman.... who come to find out had like 180 things in common with me. She home-schooled her 4 kids, we had mutual friends, we had both lost a child(ren in her case), And we both loved and trusted a loving God... yet, battled with not being able to control the future.  We laughed, teared up, and talked the ENTIRE 3 hour trip. Anyway, I just am so thankful for God's providence in situations like that. We sat down as strangers... we de-boarded the plane as friends.  (AND I have 2 fun magazines that I can keep in the bathroom (because that's the only time I am alone) for leisure reading!)  

7. I'm starting a Gluten Free way of eating this week. I've been hearing more and more about it and just wonder if maybe it might be attributing to my hives (I deal with hive break outs probably 1 or 2 times a week for the past 4 years and can't find the source) SO... I'm armed with Elisabeth Hasselbecks' book and a ton of G-free bloggers and my amazingly creative cooking sister. I think it will be an adventure and help with inflammation of all sorts... and hopefully help me to lose some extra lbs.  Any of you have helpful hints or advice... comment away! 

8. Can I just say how Proud I am of my husband. He is LOVING seminary and eating it up. I don't know if it's the years as a teacher or the years we took off from seminary or both that is really helping him to study with diligence and write with intensity and depth. I love how he comes home and regurgitates all he's learning to me... then I learn and am washed with the truths of our amazing God. It took a while but the men at the seminary he's at are becoming his friends and he's feeling at home there more and more.  It's strange for me being at a place in life (school) that I know is only a short chapter designed to prepare you for the next chapter... being that it's not an end goal itself..so, that can lend itself to an unrest in where we are right now, knowing it will change, but it keeps me constantly running back to God who knows very well what is to come and what we need right now.  

9. I ordered diapers from Diapers.com this month, and really saved some money as well as had a huge box of diapers and wipes delivered to my doorstep in 2 days. I'm not sure if it will continue to save me money in the coming months, I"ll check and see before I order... but on my first order I got $10 off AND free shipping. It's hard to beat that.  ( and they DO take coupons... just takes a little longer b/c you send them in. but if you're ordering for the month or 2 months... it's worth it)   So, if you want to try it. Use this code CASE3738 for $10 off your order.   

10. I love going to Raleigh/Wake Forest and seeing dear friends and getting to be with my sister and her amazing little family. But I LOVE coming home to my babies and my man! I Love being a wife and mommy. I mean... that face just melts my heart to a puddle. 

 

special mommy-and-me days

Jack is staying with my parents this weekend while I'm gone so even though I didn't fly out last night he stayed with them since I'll be flying out super early tomorrow. So Zoe and I have had a mommy-and-me day today. It's been so much fun. The other day Zoe spent the night with Dan's parents and Jack and I had so much cuddle time. I guess I don't realize how spread out my attention is with even just the two of them. So, I'm becoming a big fan of occasional special days with each of my children.  

Here is a photo of Jack on our special day, napping in the living room since little feet wouldn't trample him. (I don't have lots of photos of him from that day since cuddling and taking photos are a little hard to do at the same time.....and he told me he'd rather me hold him than take pictures of him. I complied... for now.) 

 

And here are some of Zoe and her special day, featuring her adventures in..... 

Blocks.... 

 

Pretty Sandals.... 

 

Puppy..... 

 

 

 

Obedience.... 

 

 
  

  
and the iPod. 

  

  

 

 
 

 

edible encouragement

I was supposed to fly out of DFW last night but major storms were brewing so it wasn't a surprise when they told me my flight was canceled. Then after 40 minutes on hold with AA and getting booked on different flights for today and twice they were canceled due to the plane not being able to get in last night thus not being able to fly out today (learned a lot about air traffic last night) I finally resigned to fly out Friday. A little bummed but glad for not having to fly in bad weather.  

But I am sooooo excited that I was home today because if not I would have missed getting these. 

  

A fellow hairdresser sent them to me as a thank you for sending some clients her way. What Stacie didn't know is that Chocolate covered Strawberries have for years been my VERY favorite!! But most of all, it was the thought that brought me to tears. (which was nice because nothing is better after a bunch of tears than chocolate!!)  I didn't expect it to impact me the way it did... but this was SO sweet of her to think of me...and to send something displaying her thoughts.  

There are so many people in my life that deserve buckets of chocolate covered everything!! And knowing what this feels like to receive this makes me want to be a lot more intentional with letting others know how much I appreciate them and am grateful for them. 

Stacie, Thank you for totally surprising and blessing me today with these sweet treasures of goodness. (they taste amazing!!) I love knowing that you get to love on my Raleigh friends and nurture their hearts while caring for their hair. You are gifted and I am so glad that you get to display that giftedness on those I love. Thanks for thinking of me and for totally making my day! love you. ~ Casey 

 
 
 
 

Ten.4.Tues. { Mistakes I'm glad I made }

Okay, so just to clairfy... these are things that I wondered at the time if they would be a mistake or could have been a mistake or that others have told me would be or generally are a mistake. So, read on and you'll see what I mean. 

1.  Apprenticed instead of working a real paying job. 

I walked into the most popular photography studio as a teenager and told them I wanted to be a photographer and that I'd work for free if they would let me watch and learn from them. And so began my training as a photographer. The manager there at the time is now a big time photographer in california and gets featured on shows like Platinum Baby on WE. I don't really need anything, but it's nice to know that if I needed some connections in the world of photography I have them. I also spent a summer homeschooling 5 kids in Arizona in exchange for their mom training me in portraits and darkroom experience. I learned so much, not to mention I saw a godly woman balance life as mommy, wife and photographer, something I wasn't realizing I was learning at the time.  One of the best summers of my life!! I don't think I got a consistent paying job until I was 20 something. But the training and experience far outweighed what money I would have made. 

2. Went to "trade school" Vs. College right after highschool. 

Many people just assume that college is immediately what you do after 12th grade.  I left 2 months after I graduated for Cosmetology school in Indianapolis. I can't tell you how glad I am that I was trained for a skill prior to going through college. I was able to work a great paying flexible job and pay for most everything through college. Though my college experience was priceless and was where I met my husband and many others, it wasn't a place that had a lot of opportunities to gain experience in the professional world while going through school.  So I guess, my philosophy in this area would be to make sure your child has a working skill before heading off to spend 4-5 years in a classroom. At the end of college, even if they are a year or two older than most, your child then has a wealth of working experience which added to a degree is VERY helpful in the job market. I also found there isn't that pressure to make your college degree the end all for what you're going to do in life. 

3. Spent a summer on a whim. 

 A friend's husband was talking to me and mentioned that there was this camp being started up for kids and that I would be great at it. So, on a whim I signed up to be interviewed and got accepted to be on the team with Centri-Kid's first summer of camp. Now, I was one of the oldest on staff... about mid summer I realized why it was helpful to start younger...it was HARD work.  But that summer.. I discovered so much about myself being around 20 others who were also in the process of figuring out life. I had 20 styles of music to listen to, ( <3 they might be giants to this day!) 20 personalities to mesh with, 20 ideas to consider in almost everything since it was such a new program, 20 people who had 1 goal that summer... show Kids the love of Christ.  Little did I know that I wouldn't go on to be some big church's children's director like I had hoped at one point, but that I WOULD meet one of my best friends that summer and so many other amazing friends. Little did I know that I would suggest another friend to sign up the next summer and he would end up meeting his wife there. This summer had really nothing to do with what I was to do the rest of my life but WAY more about who I was to become.  *sidenote: This camp is an AMAZING camp to send your kids to. a little pricey but VERY Top Notch!!  

4. Fell in love with a man who I knew could become my spiritual leader.   

Of course every woman is taught  to date/marry someone who can already lead her spiritually, I was no different. That was probably first on my "list of requirements". And biblically it's something I think women should strive for.  I met Dan just weeks after he became a believer and I was pretty confident he was the one for me. However, each time we would get to the defining talk in our relationship he would aknowledge that he wasn't at a place where he could lead me biblically, and he was probably right.  But just the fact that he was able to admit that, made me know that he was someone that was on a quest to figure out what that looked like and how he could grow to be that man....and his actions proved so. During this time God was definitely working on me in many areas that I would have to change in order to become his wife..... so, he married someone "in the works" as well. But when I look and see who Dan is today and who he was when I met him.... I'm in awe of God's working in him. He leads me so well and his knowledge of God and His word is vast and ever growing. Honestly, I could never have actually known for sure what kind of leader he would be when I married him, there was lots of unknowns... and to say that God gave me a hunch would be kinda silly... but somehow I knew and God had given me wisdom and a peace in my soul that this man, was to be my husband. { thank you for loving and leading me so well Dan, You are a beautiful picture of Christ to me.  I love you with ALL my heart!!)  

5. Got Married with Debt   

Okay, so I don't recommend this to others on a typical basis, but hear me out. Dan and I both had debt when we got married and neither of us really knew how to handle finances well. We knew bringing debt into the marriage wasn't wise but it was such that we either didn't get married for a LONG time or get married and figure out how to get out. For about a year after we got married I discovered that I had been making getting out of debt an idol in my life and my marriage. I was horrible to Dan on many occassions because our finances weren't where I wanted them to be. Finally, something clicked and I was convicted of that, and I realized that God wanted to use this journey of learning how to use our money and possessions to glorify Him not to aquire comforts or desires. I don't know that I would have had that really sink in had we not had such debt.  Almost 6 years later now, we are still working on becoming debt free but we have learned so much and think that once we are debt free the temptation to go back will be far from us due to this journey... and we'll have God to praise for providing and getting us through. (Also, it was AMAZING and only an Act of God's people that we who were in debt were able to afford to bury our son and adopt a little girl privately in a few months time...Only God!!! we can't take the credit.)  

6. Had friends live with us for a year  

When we had two friends who were looking for a way to simplify their living situations and we had extra room where we lived, we invited them to come live with us. Now, if you would have asked me a while back I would have told you that it probably would be a mistake to have 2 single girls move in a live with a young married couple. But nothing could be further from the truth. It was such a great time of fellowship with them and honestly, I think it brought out the best in both Dan and I as well. They were so helpful in housework and always seemed to know when we needed someone to visit and talk with and also when we needed some space... of course when living with singles, they are almost always on the go so you are usually wanting them around more often than less.  Dan and I really got to know these two gals so much better and I love them very much and so enjoyed watching God work in and through their lives that year.  Would I live communually again, you betcha! Anyone, want to come live in a small apartment bedroom?  ;o) 

7. Didn't choose the closest church to home 

 In college I visited 12 churches before deciding on a small country church almost an hour away. I drove there often twice a week and sometimes more... normally staying all day on sundays. But that church, and those people there impacted my life in a major way. I learned so much there about loving people...where they were at, not ness where I wanted them to be. I learned about endurance and watched God change and grow lives over a period of years....and still am watching. They brought out best in me in so many ways. for that I'm grateful.  Then Dan and I decide to be a part of a church plant in Raleigh but we lived in Wake Forest... thus another 30+ minute drive. But that was okay. it was worth being there from the beginning. (more about TCC in #10)  Now, we live in Fort worth and drive almost an hour to get to church. Why, so many ask, when there are churches by the dozen nearby. yes, but already in the short time we've been at the Village we have grown there, and been taught and exposed to scriptures in ways we've never been, ways of doing ministry that we've never seen, and really have thought through why we have chosen this church and this group of people. I really believe that those things will be priceless when it comes...if it comes time for Dan and I to be in ministry in the local church as a vocation. But for now, and probably for the first time in my life, I'm totally content with being a very small part of the whole and feeling the freedom but also the responsibility of being just  a church member. 

8. Made my best friends my business partners 

 I've mostly been a one-woman show when it came to business. But when I started in Wedding Photography I realized I couldn't do it all by myself. So, I recognized a talented eye in my best friend and quickly snapped her up and taught her as fast as she was willing to learn... which was FAST! Then my other best friend borrowed my point and shoot one week and when she returned it I was looking through the pics she took and knew she had a look that both Ang and I were missing.  I thought "I've never heard of a 3rd shooter at a wedding" but that didn't stop me and soon the duo became a trio. And we've had an amazing 4 years shooting together! Now, at times it would have been easier to have a person come in that was already striving to be a photographer and one that wasn't so emotionally connected to me, so that when corrections needed to be made or moments get tense and stressful on the job it would just be business as usual. I think that's what most business people would tell you to do. But I'm so glad I didn't do that because I know these girls so much deeper now than I ever did before and we share a love and lots of experiences that we'll be laughing and talking about for years to come.  I can't wait to see all God's going to do in their lives with this amazing talent of theirs for capturing a moment in time and displaying it beautifully for the world to see and enjoy. 

9. Moved into a "bad" area of town 

It was a small bungelow on Seawell Ave in Raleigh..... the next street over was Idlewild and it was definitely wild! It was a struggling area that is trying really hard to restore the old abandoned houses and build bright colored ones in their place. That didn't stop the prostitutes from walking our street or the drug runners from riding their bikes up and down many times a day. But we moved in and thankfully had wonderful friends living right next door who had already gotten to know the area and it's inhabitants well. Never in my life would I realize how much I would miss such a "bad area" when we moved away from it.  I loved living there. I made "friends" with those who walked the streets and fed those who rode their bikes.  It was home. Once we moved here, searching for a house to buy was really challenging because I had that scene fresh on my mind... could I make it in these perfect suburbs? The need for Christ is still there it's just not often on your doorstep needing a bath and food.  We ended up not buying for many reasons and I'm okay with that. I still have in my heart that there are areas here, if God keeps us here longer, that I'd want to invest my life in, areas that others would classify as a "bad area" of town,  but an area that I could call home yet also reminds me daily that this world will never be our true home.   

10. Shared my deepest sin struggles and heartache with close friends and pastors.  

I know from growing up in the ministry that sharing and being open about sin and struggles and weaknesses can really bite you back. The church isn't a place that a lot of people know as a place where weakness can be exposed and others can encourage but not judge you.  But when Dan and I found ourselves like most marriages in a place where we couldn't see rightly and didn't know how to climb out of a pit of sin and baggage and idols in our lives, we thankfully were in a church that we knew would embrace us yet help us to kill sin and to fight for joy in our marriage and home. Dan is one of the most open and honest people I know when it comes to submitting to leadership and confessing sin he is being convicted of. So, his example of this really gave me freedom to be open and transparent about my pride and pain. Our church, our friends have embraced us, loved us, cried with us, prayed for us (this is HUGE), kept us accountable and most of all empathized with us as those who also fight sin and temptation and a constantly battle for who will be God in their lives and in their moments.  It's not popular to look and confess to being weak...especially when you're in ministry positions. But I can't tell you how freeing and how helpful it is when you don't have to fake the Christian life and act like things are fine when they aren't.  We all need this in our lives, I'm just so glad we needed it sooner than later. And, to know that even on our "best day" we still need God's grace and the accountability and love of His body, the Church. 

getting settled in....

....that's what I would call the past 8 months really. I'm coming to really love texas. I feel at home here. I do miss North Carolina but it's amazing how much a place can become home when your family is here.  And they do say once a texan, always a texan. So maybe it's just my good ol' texan blood in me. I was born in Houston and lived here till I was 10. (my dad was a Houston police officer before going to seminary and pastoring here)     

We moved into a bigger apartment last week. I was very grateful for the low cost of seminary housing and that served us well those first few months. However we found that with 2 small babies and me staying at home most days, we needed more space! And I really needed a dishwasher. (I will say that not having one has made me a more grateful person when it comes to loading and unloading now)  It's only about 5 miles away from my parents and Dan's parents are living in the same apartments just down the way. It also has 3 bedrooms which will really help as the kids grow... but right now that means we have a guest room. So come on and come see us, we'd love to have you in our home.  I got to paint some accent walls and let me just say I LOVE TO PAINT!! My brothers Joel and Mikey were super painters as well and will attest to my being a Nazi about how it's done. (I told them I'm preparing them to serve their future wives well :o) 

* I"ll post pics once I get all unpacked and stuff * 

Another change we are in the midst of is that Dan is taking classes this semester at Redeemer Seminary in Dallas. They have some stellar professors; this semester he's taking classes with Paul Tripp, an NYC intensive with Tim Keller, and Sinclair Ferguson, and they have a lot more classes that fit with his work schedule as a school teacher. He will probably still be taking some summer classes at SW and as needed. But he is very excited to be a part and learn from this small but well staffed seminary!  

It was a slow but busy January. I told Dan that I think the next time God gives us a baby I'd love to have or adopt a summer baby. This winter-cooped up-newborn stage-sunshine deprived stage is one that I'm ready to move on from. I really do think I suffered from some SAD this season. I grew up in Alaska and know how real that is, but I never thought I'd feel it living in Texas! But I sure am anxious for the sun to warm things up and bring out the flowers and warm air. I want to feel awake and alive!  ( I just started taking some B and D supplements and having more light in our new apt is bound to help as well!)  

We finally have a community group that we are a part of with our church!!! This week was our first week there and we left so encouraged and excited about all God is wanting to do with that group of people. It meets in the next apartment complex over from ours so it's really close by and already I feel a connection to people who before wednesday were total strangers to me because now, I have a bond and a responsibility to love and serve them. It's strange becoming a part of a group who knows nothing about us and hasn't walked the past few life changing years with us. However, I know that it's not always about the past and I can't wait to see the many ways God is going to use these individuals to walk with us in the future.  

Jack and Zoe are doing great! Zoe loves her brother but gets very territorial on him with things like the bum-bo and bottles. So those make for good teaching moments. We just bought The big picture story bible to start reading to her since she is really starting to love being read to. It's a must read for those of you with infants and toddlers. It really tells the stories of the Bible with the focus being on the greatness and bigness of God (i.e. instead of making the story of David and Goliath all about the braveness of little David it teaches of the power of God to use such an unlikely guy to defeat a man who hated God, and so on!)    

So, that's about all for now. I just wanted to take a minute and update on our life here. I have all sorts of ideas and desires to blog about lots of things but not the time or energy to make it happen right now.  

Sometimes though I read other blog posts and say... "exactly! that's what I am feeling, learning, growing, experiencing, and wanting to say."  So I'm just going to link some of those posts here and maybe they will help and challenge you this winter in whatever God is teaching you and growing inside you.  Now, some of these are not written with the perspective of living for eternity in mind and also many of them do not straight up state the hopeful everyday strength giving truth of the Gospel in times of difficulty or struggle in the mundane, but I do find that sometimes honest reflections and admissions of other mothers/photographers/writers/artists help me to see things in my own life that I may not be seeing or putting things into words that I may not be able to verbalize. So, these are just those types of posts. Nothing revolutionary or theologically deep, just echos of my heart the past few weeks put into words by other people. 

Reasons to Love February   (though I didn't lose Asher in February, sometimes I feel like this new year feels like the way she describes this month)  I do LOVE february though! 

Refining Moments   (I have so many days like this and wrestle with that tender balance )

Making the best use of your time  (I really liked her options and how she prioritized them ) 

Living in the Pre   ( I often think this. I do want to simplify life more so this coming year but I don't know yet what all that looks like for me, I"ll keep you posted ) 

There is no magic button   (I feel like I did work really hard the past 6-7 years but sometimes I wish there had been such a plethora of mature photographers/women in business willing to share their advice so openly, I think I wouldn't have had to learn so much the hard exhausting emotionally draining way and had more energy to enjoy the moment and the reward of my work) 

Everyday matters  ( I want to use my camera in this way... but haven't quite settled enough or make my personal photography work-flow simple enough to do it as often as I want to! But soon.)

Finding Self    (She often is able to put the human experience of grief into words that truly paint a picture of what it feels like) 

Joy in Sickness  (this one really helped when we were house hunting but ended up deciding not to buy this year) 

 And for the photo...which every post should have at least one! :o)

 Zoe LOVES being thrown or tossed around by her daddy! It's amazing to see the intense trust she has developed for her Daddy. I love watching her as she loves and trusts being with him anytime!! look at those eyes locked on him. 

 

** next week is completion of month 1 on the 111 challenge!! Lots to share. 

Happy New Years ! !

I hope you had a wonderful New Years. I did. New Years Eve we went to dinner with John and Sarah and then watched the ball drop on TV. (wasn't too impressed with the entertainment this year.) It was strange because we're an hour ahead of New York so it was only 11 when the Celebration peaked.  But it was still festive. We even got to see the fireworks from downtown out our back door. (that's how flat and wide open Texas land is)  

For New Years Day, we celebrated at my in-laws place by having the traditional Black Eyed Peas and a tradition from Judy's heritage called Olie Bollen. Which is a dutch donut of sorts with raisins in it. It was new to me when I joined the family but I have come to love them and look forward to her making them each year.  

 

 

 
 
 

I do have a New Year's Resolution which I'm going public with on January 11th. So stay tuned. :o)  

I am hopeful and really looking forward to 2010. 2009 was great but I was okay to see it go. 

I want to thank each of you for walking with me this past year and being there to listen and read as I process and grow and move forward in this journey/adventure God has me on. You are a part of my life and I know that many of your prayers have proven effectual in my life and in the life of those I write about. I will need you this coming year as I continue to battle sin in this fallen world and in my weary body. I hope to encourage you and pray for you as well. And may we all make MUCH of Jesus this year and the Amazing Hope the Gospel brings to each of our lives. 

Love you and Happy New Year! 

Here's some pics of the kids in their PJ's since we've been spending lots of time at home just veggin and being comfortable and cozy! 
  

 

 

 

evolving love

I need to blog. Well, what I really need to do is go to bed. But for some reason I"m not sleepy. So I try to use these times to blog. So, if I complain on facebook that I'm tired... tell me I asked for it and should have gone to bed about now. 

I've been doing a lot of stuff in regards to Jack this week. Trying to figure out what's all going on with his medicaid and seeking counsel from CPS on his case and even getting to know him more as he grows more into a little guy each day. 

So, here's what I've found out.  He doesn't have medicaid and I have to go and apply for him. Now, I've heard that's not a lot of fun and I'm personally dreading it. But I will go do it. We thought it was already all set up and so this is really frustrating to a mommy with her hands already full. But I know in times like these it's these types of sacrifices and struggles that cultivate a deeper love for this child who I can't believe I've only known for 4 weeks now. 

we were hoping that this would look more like an official kinship care program where he would have a social worker that would have his best interest in mind and would really have a situation that would have more set procedures of how this all looks.  About 7 CPS workers have told me that they don't have any jurisdiction over him and that finally when someone did take an initial responsibility in his case, she said that since he's not being abused or neglected then they aren't going to do anything to get involved but are going to close his initial investigation and only will get involved again if he's abused in the future. I begged for just some advice on what to do now in this current situation and didn't get anything back from them. Which I know is hard because they have plenty of other cases that they do have procedures to follow and handle. So, I know they are grateful that he's not being abused as well as I am. But still leaves me wondering who will be his advocate when so many opinions of so many around him will be given over the coming months and years. Again, this was a HUGE reminder that he isn't mine and that God is in control of his life and his future!  

I will admit I go through bouts of anxiousness and frustrations and feel like this all needs to be handled ......yesterday. I get mad at myself for thinking some of the agreed apon facts were facts I could live with, I get frustrated with systems that aren't working for my behalf, I feel pity for myself and anger towards his mom and dad that we're doing the hard work of tending to a newborn and enduring the harder months where they have little love and devotion to offer back, especially when I think of having to give him up once he really starts fitting into the family and loving us back. Zoe is a constant reminder of how much he'll change in just 10 months.  

But, Then I have to preach the gospel to myself and Dan has to as well remind me that God's in this. And that He didn't just give us the faith to open up our home to this little guy and then go on about HIs business while we have to muster up the strength to endure. No, He's equipping us, filling us, blessing us, with the grace, strength and energy and love to day by day love and care for Jack in his most helpless and defenseless state. 

I've been asked a lot if it's hard not to totally get attached to him. Or if I am having to guard my heart with him. And I think this is what I feel. I think that our hearts can adjust to the current situation and understand the type of love that is needed and produces it in those moments. I think it's different than falling in love with a boyfriend or girlfriend and seeing that love cultivate through life. It's more like a new and unique love that has to be created within you with each new child that comes into your family. A love that before that moment you didnt' know looked like that or felt like that. I don't know what the love of  having two living children of my own felt like so I can't say this feels different, though I suspect it would, But I can say that it feels wonderful and new and at times scary. I think that it's also like the love that is produced when a mom finds out her child will have a disorder or disability of some sort. You didn't know that you had a love that included a specialty in down syndrome or autism, but gosh, there it is and with time it grows bigger and fiercer and more grounded and super knowledgeable.  I think this love for Jack....and Zoe for that matter, is much like that. I'm all of the sudden interested in moms in prisons, and kids being raised by family members and are they getting help, mom's of adopted kids of a different race, I'm interested in the care of different hair and skin than I have... and the list goes on.  You adapt and the love within  you grows and develops and evolves. It's love evolution! That's a great way to describe it. It changes out of a need to not stay the same. But it changes into something that hadn't existed before then and you really don't know how it came to be. But I do know the never changing Creator of that ever changing Love. And I'm so glad He places within us the ability to feel and give this gift of ourselves and this beautiful thing called love which has so many faces! 

So, Keep us in your prayers as we still seek to just be knowledgeable about the situation we are involved in and also that we stay grounded in the truth of God's sovereignty and not the anxiety of present moments or future possibilities.    

 

 
 
 

she's got legs and she knows how to use them

That's right, she's off and walking! She loves it. She follows me around all day and it's really so cute.  She loves to haul toys around that are really too big for her to carry but she likes to drag them around anyways. :o)  And she learned to sign "more" in sign language. That might be the extent of signing for her or maybe not. But she picked that one up quick. I guess it's because she's loving eating these days. She's funny about texture but she's a good sport about most things. 

We celebrated her #1 birthday with a cupcake and a few gifts (her new baby doll was and still is  HUGE hit! She loves giving her doll kisses and loves!)  but we're waiting on my whole family to get here next weekend for Jeremiah's wedding to have her big birthday party!! It's going to be so much fun. I've loved planning it. 

I can't believe she's #1!! She's so much fun at this age. Love it!! 

 

 
 

She liked playing in it more than eating it. strange woman! 

 

 

 

New clothes. She is growing out of clothes so fast now these were definitely needed. 

 

A doll baby that looks a lot like her! :o) 

 

 

Nothing says I love you like a french kiss from a 1 year old! 

 

So, how does this bottle taste? 

 

Ohhhh... feed the baby! 

 

My baby!

 
 

Meet Little Man Jack

Jack... it means God is Gracious. And indeed He is and undoubtably will prove so in the months to come as we parent this little one and watch where the Lord places him long term. 

This is a special name that we named him. We choose a different name than what's on his birth certificate for several reasons. 1. For Privacy reasons, If I'm blogging about him online I'd rather not use a name that other's might want to look up for any reason regarding his foster time here or long term placement. 2. We really love the name, and if we do adopt him it will be his name forever. 3. We love this name and meaning paired with his name his mother gave him. 

But We are soooooo happy to have him in our home. We had a great night lat night and the little guy is eating well. He's pretty content and loves to be held and rocked. And Praise the Lord he takes a pacifier really well. Something Zoe never did. (she sucks her tongue when she has something soft next to her face...it's so interesting.) 

Here are some photos I took this morning. He's still  tiny and really hasn't grown into his own body yet, but he's a handsome guy.  

 

Zoe's first Halloween

One of Dan and I's first arguments during dating was actually on the subject of Halloween and how our kids would celebrate or not celebrate it....I think we even got on the santa clause or no santa clause issue as well. Yep, we hit the road running when it came to dating.  Looking back I wouldn't recommend talking about your future kids and how you will raise them on one of your first dates with someone. Little did either of us know then.  

I, having a tendency to want to be legalistic and wanting rules to follow, held to the fact that never would my kids celebrate this holiday, except maybe in a safe fall festival environment. Dan however grew up having wonderful memories of this fun filled day for their family. And as is the case with so many things Dan and I have come together and have made this what we feel it should be for our family. It's amazing the leading and the wisdom and peace that God gives parents in decisions when that time comes in their life to make them. And He is the one that each of us are accountable to in these decisions. So we are all free to respect each other in how we celebrate, how we not celebrate, how we live each and every day according to the leading of God in our own families.  

This was a great article I read today and really encouraged me about this holiday in particular. 

http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvchildren/?p=175

This year, we had a wonderful day together and went to brunch at a mom and pop pancake house here in Fort Worth and then to Sam's club. As usual Zoe got tons of attention and sporting her new crocheted hat with a bow only brought oodles and ahhs from all.... even the oldest little men stop and talk to her. I love it. So, all you shy people with little ones, I don't see how you do it when you go out shopping.  

We really would have loved to have a neighborhood to walk around in and get to know our neighbors but living in seminary housing most people were out at their own church's event or desiring to stay in with their families. We look forward to possibly having a new neighborhood next year to walk around and get to know.  So tonight we headed out to our church The Village in Dallas. we walked Zoe around and met some great people. It's hard being at a brand new church and not knowing anyone. They have four services on sunday so even meeting someone, you might not run into them again if they go to different services than you. But Dan and I really love this church already and can't wait to see how God will use them in our lives and vice versa we hope.  So, meeting people tonight was a blessing... although come to think of it I don't know if I"ll recognize Thing 1 and Thing 2 or the Chinese Geisha even if we were at the same service. :o) oh, well... hopefully they'll have less trouble recognizing this cute leopard and come up to us when we meet again. 

I hope you had a wonderful day today! 

 

 

Life as we know it is about to change....again!

Last month God brought my parents together with some long time family friends for a sweet time of fellowship. During that time they found out that their granddaughter was about to give birth to a baby boy and needed a home for him because of some choices she had made and she was serving time in prison and didn't know when she would be getting out.  

My mom called us and just asked us to think and talk and pray about this little one in need of a home. So we did. And we decided that this was truly a baby in need that we could provide a home for. It would be a foster situation but not through the state. The baby's mom might be eligable for parole this summer and if that were the case and she felt like she could parent and it were deemed so then she would be able to regain custody of this little one. If not, then we would have first option to adopt. In situations like this, things can change on a dime and that's why I've waited until now to even share this on my blog. So, just know that all this can change and that's okay,  but I know that no matter what this family needs our prayers!

The baby was born last Friday October 16th and due to being three weeks early is having some breathing and eating problems but is slowly but surely gaining weight and learning how to suck. He is still being cared for in the NICU and we've been praying for him and checking on him every day. Nothing was for sure and to some extent still isn't, but we found out today that his mommy wants us to be his foster parents and to have legal custody of him until she knows what life holds this next year for her. 

So, again, in a matter of weeks God has brought a tiny helpless one into our lives to embrace and love. Does this loving bring risks with it? Yes. Will it possibly bring heartache as we care for him only to reunify him with his mother? Yes. But is there great reward as we truly care for the helpless? Yes. Will this further teach us great dependance upon God for daily strength? Yes. Could this baby be used of God to change his own mother's life? Yes. Could this baby grow up and change our lives? Yes.   

I leaned over the other night and asked Dan if we were crazy for considering this. And he thought a minute and said, "Casey, if this is Crazy then I'm okay to be Crazy! Sometimes the way God calls us to live out the Gospel is Crazy."  

So, Just as I asked you about a year ago to pray that God's will be done in this new baby's life. I ask you again. Pray for him, for his lungs and sucking ability, Pray for his mommy who not only had to leave the hospital alone but go back to a place that is a difficult place to be. Pray that God comforts her as she morns, Pray that God is her strength as she faces her past and rights the wrongs she has done, Pray that while in Prison God would continually show her that He is true freedom and true forgiveness of sins. She does claim to be a believer and is showing signs of growth. So she has a lot of time that she is able to devote to her new life with Him. Pray she will use that time well.  Pray for us as we prepare in all ways for another baby to come live with us. 

We have all we need to care for him and with Zoe about to get off formula we will be able to not have to overlap that expense. 

So, just Pray and Encourage us in the coming weeks. So many of you know the joys and the energy needed to raise two small children. We will be needing those reminders that it can be done. Dan's parents will be here in a few weeks and with my parents and family near by I know that this child will be loved by many and well cared for. 

We will keep you updated and hope to provide photos and his birth announcement with his name and stats very soon!!!  

Trips to Raleigh

If you asked me at the beginning of this summer how in the world I was going to make all the trips, shoot and edit all the weddings, settle into my apartment, and stay sane!! I would have told you only by God's grace and that I couldn't think about it because I didn't have the strength then and that God would have to give it to me day by day. And You know what?? That's exactly what happened. Day by day, trip by trip, wedding by wedding God sustained us and looking back it's been an amazing wonderful summer and the beginnings of fall. 

Each flight I had amazing flight attendants and EVERY single flight one of them offered to hold Zoe for a while for me. I even had a security worker tell me she's noticed I fly a lot and that I've done a great job with flying with a baby. Each trip I"ve been able to visit with people and even though I leave still wanting more of them I am so thankful that I've had the opportunity to not have a sudden spanse of distance and time between my friends and I. 

Each wedding has been wonderful and let me just take a second and shamelessly brag about my photography team. Kristin and Angey are AMAZING!! They complete me artistically. And I have so much joy working alongside my BEST friends! I mean, who gets to do that? I am always turning around to see them serving the guests and bridal party at weddings, and Kristin most always sheds a tear at the ceremony, Angey ends up having bff's with the bridesmaids, and as we head home after a long long day we get giddy happy and have even been suspected of drinking by convience store workers because something cracked us up and we couldn't stop laughing! Oh the joys and memories!!!  They are wonderful blessings in my life and I wouldn't love my job near as much without them. So here's to many more weddings together! 

And having my inlaws and Sister and brother in law nearby when I visit has been a lifesaver. I've borrowed cars, needed rides, crashed on couches and beds, ate their food, used their computers... you name it they have served me. Zoe has been well cared for even when she's had double ear infections. Grandparents are Awesome!!  

So, Here's to looking to the coming months and desiring to live by God's strength alone day by day and moment by moment!! He has been faithful and I have found Him to be enough for me. 

* I"m on a Sinatra kick lately so turn up the volume, drink some coffee or cider and just soak up the season!

deeper still

Dan and I just got back from a weekend in Charlotte NC. A friend gave us tickets to the ECU/VT football game and so we decided to go and just make it a getaway weekend. The game rocked! (aside from some REALLY hyped up drunk ECU fans! wow!) I must admit it was my first college football game. It was a huge sight to behold and the crowd's excitement was impressive! 

We stayed the night in downtown Charlotte (such a neat downtown!) and then went to Crossway Church this morning. Some of our good friends the Seaver Family and the Oddy Family serve there and it was great to worship with them and exchange hugs and sweet fellowship.

 As great as the weekend was, it was just as hard. I think, for me especially, a new level of sadness has set in our hearts. Dan and I love going to new cities and sight seeing but for many reasons there wasn't that sense of adventure or desire to do "fun" things. I've been missing Asher for hours on end and still am dealing with crazy post partum hormones (well, really I don't know what is grief and what is normal after pregnancy issues) I sure don't feel very stable at times. This last week I hung out with some friends who have little ones and they were so gracious to let me hold and love on their children. And I think as much as I enjoyed those precious babies, I began to understand something that was really important for my heart to grasp, that as much as I desire a child to hold and a little one to mother right now, any child, any baby will not quench my heart's thirst and my arm's ache. I'm aching and longing for Asher.... my son whom I cared and prayed for in those 37 weeks and fell totally in love with the second I saw him. That is who I'm grieving for. He is the one my heart and breath seem to catch with just the thought of. I say that because the past few weeks my heart has often tried to tell me that if I had a child to hold and take care of that I would have something... somewhere to place all these emotions and longings I have flooding my being right now. I know those thoughts are probably very normal as a mother who has lost her child but I still want to battle those ideas because they seem to promise happiness and purpose to me during this time. And as much as I hate that this is too big of a reality to ignore, how many times before now have I given in to the promises of purpose and lasting pleasure only to find that they have left me not satisfied and still craving desperately to be fulfilled. How many times??? I wish it wasn't so, but I've battled with this for years... single, studying, married, working, moving, staying, nothing was ever enough. Even though I knew I was to find my happiness and sole purpose in being a Child of God I don't think I knew quite what that was supposed to look or feel like. I have been living as a Child of the King, Heir of Christ, and yet being too busy consumed with earthly responsibilities...(thinking that they would bring joy and purpose) to rest in my Father's care and enjoy His provision and position for my life. (Now, most of these things and pursuits are great and often very godly desires unless they take the rightful place of God in your life...so many times christian duties and religious pursuits can become idols of the heart and sit down stubbornly and deceivingly on Christ's throne in your life.) I think the past few weeks have been the first time in my life probably that I've been able to truly rest and find comfort in just who I am in Christ. I have been healing from the delivery and thus not able to have really been cleaning my home, working in my business, serving my husband, or caring for a child... talk about feeling without purpose. But God really has come near to this brokenhearted woman and given me such purpose and has like never before burned on my heart his love for me as just His child, the one He chose to set His love upon, the one that without Him would be left to her own to forever wander in a world that can never bring pleasure that satisfies, or rest that renews, or joy that is enduring. .....so, whereas the pain and grief of my journey are deeper than ever.... so are His mercy and grace.

Asher Daniel Chappell!

As you can see from the title our initial results are in and we are having a little baby boy! We are also overjoyed to let everyone know that the initial results show that Chromosomes 13, 18 and 21 are normal and there s no sign of a trisomy at this point! This is great news and our great God deserves all the glory for He has given great grace today! The results mean that the "lethal" issues they were suspecting, are not there. The genetic counselor told us that it is not impossible for there still to be other chromosome issues present in the full and final result. She said that the initial test showed the most common ones and since that is normal it isn't likely for it to be chromosomal but it isn't impossible. We are optimistic that Asher is just small and that the Omphalocele is causing much of the "problems" they think they are seeing.
Asher still has a long road ahead but God is still forming him and caring for him in my womb. Please continue to pray and that God would heal any heart issues that are present, heal any scoliosis or Spinal bifida that may be there, and that he would shrink the overall size of the omphalocele.
God alone deserves the glory for this day and we praise him for he is good! thank you to all of you praying with us and to those who joined us in prayer and fasting yesterday. God has heard the cries of His people! Let his glory and renown be made known today through this!

More to come......

Our Desperate Anticipation

God is good! One of the benefits of trials is that you get the Joy of seeing God more clearly than you may have before. This is true of us today. We have just come home from a blessed week of vacation and it was a great time for us both to relax, love each other better and more intently, and to focus upon God. In one of our conversations from the week a great truth was discovered about prayer. One of the reasons we pray more during a trial is that we feel the need because it is pressing in on us. But we are no less needy at any point in our life and should always desperately anticipate God to do great things and to come through for us, for we need him to. Our church, Treasuring Christ Church, is about to embark upon a focused time of prayer called "Desperate Anticipation" and it dawned upon us that this is exactly how we feel (and how we should always feel).
We are asking all of you that know us and are following us through this time, to join us for a day of interceding prayer and fasting. We are asking this of you but not expecting this of you. Join us as you can and desire. We are going in for an Amnio on Monday morning at 10 am and this will tell us so much about what we are facing. We will find out finally what we are having and it will also serve to tell us if there are any trisomy or genetic issues. We believe that it would bring God great glory to show his power off before us and the medical world that has given us little hope.
So we are asking God to heal our baby and we are fasting that His glory would be made known in this. We fast because we are desperate for God. We want to show him with the hunger of our bodies , not just that we want a healthy baby but that we are desperate for his presence and his power to be made known here. We are also asking God to help us and you that know us long for his coming more as a result of this trial. I want to thank you in advance for serving us with your prayers and joining us on Monday August 4th for this concentration on God. We love you all and are so thankful for the body!

Dan

Then I proclaimed a fast there at the river of Ahava,
that we might humble ourselves before our God
to seek from Him a safe journey for us, our little ones,
and all our possessions.
—EZRA 8 : 2 1

"Or who has first given to Him
that it might be paid back to Him again?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever. Amen."

—ROMANS 1 1 : 3 5 - 3 6

a few posts to read...

Here are a few posts that I've been meaning to write and update you all on.

Dan and I are doing well and we have been striving to live in a spirit of hopefulness and of perseverance. Dan only has two more weeks of summer before 08-09 school year begins and even though he's really looking forward to spending his days with the students he's trying to really enjoy these last few days of freedom!
I have two more weddings to photograph, tomorrow I"ll be in Winston Salem shooting and then next week back in Wake Forest! God has been so good to allow me the strength and ability to fulfill my responsibilities to these families this summer. We will have photographed 13 weddings this summer and each one has been wonderful and unique! Though I could not have done it without Kristin and Angey who are amazing photographers and love and serve me so well.

I'm almost to the 35 Week mark! Each week goes by so fast and I'm so thankful that God has given that week to us.
Dan and I are going to the beach this whole next week to get away and relax and spend some much needed time together before the real hectic time is upon us. So pray that we are able to relax and that we both are able to put aside work for a few days and just focus on God and each other. (this is really hard for me because I'm always thinking about what I need or already needed to have accomplished, though I"m blessed to have clients that are very patient and understanding!)

Just to update you on what is to come in the next few weeks;
This Sunday Dan is preaching at Forest Park Baptist Church where he used to be the youth pastor at (it's also where he was at during our falling in love/time of engagement) The people are so precious and we always enjoy going back to be loved on and hopefully to edify them as well!

Then we'll leave to go to the beach until Friday August 1st which is Dan's 34th Birthday!!

August 2nd I'll photograph my last wedding pre-baby!

August 4th at 10:30 we will go to UNC for an amnioseticess..... now, I know you might be thinking, I thought you weren't going to do one of those and we didn't due to the risk of preterm labor, and we weren't going to do one at all. However, after several OB visits and listening to them inform us that they really won't do anything to the baby as far as aggressive treatment until the results come back for the Trisomy and then depending on that the treatment will or will not be offered. So, we would rather not be waiting when treatment might be needed and if the baby does has a Trisomy we would rather know that we have found a Dr. who is already willing to use his skills on a baby who might not live as long as most. This might be a difficult task but we are hopeful that there is a Dr. at UNC who would be willing and able if needed.
So, we will have FISH results back in 3-4 days that will tell us the bigger things such as the Trisomy issue and also gender... We'll have a baby with a name finally!!! I can't wait to announce that on here!
And then in 10 days we'll have the full work up which will tell us I think the extent of the Trisomy or Genetic issues and I guess some more information that will hopefully be helpful to the medical staff in treating our child.

They have scheduled my C-section for August 27th at 11:30. I will finally get to meet this little one!! Pray he or she stays in my womb until this day!

So, a lot is going to happen in the coming month and we will definitely keep you up to date as best we can.
There hasn't been a lot of new info lately thus my lack of posting... I'll try to get better about that!

Thanks for reading and for being so faithful to comment and encourage in so many ways! We feel very loved and cared for.

Have a great week! ~ Dan and Casey

Guest Author on POH Blog

I had the great opportunity to be a guest author on a blog that I have followed for quite a while now. Prayer of Hannah is a blog by five ladies who have a passion for raising families and honoring their husbands as unto the Lord. Last week was a week they dedicated to grief and loss and I was able to share as one who hasn't walked down that road but has been told I might. Click here to read my post!! and Ladies, this blog is a great weekly read for you!!

I went ahead and posted here my post!

Hi, My name is Casey Chappell and I'm a friend of Hollie's. First I just want to say a public thank you to you POH Ladies who have been so faithful in writing on this blog. What a blessing it is to so many. Thank you!!
Secondly, I want to thank each of the ladies who have written and shared the depths of their soul this week. I've learned so much and I know your words will continue to impact my life in the next few months... even years.

I am writing during this "Dealing with Loss" week not because I've had a miscarriage or a loss but because I've been told that I will most likely have a loss in the coming months. My husband Dan and I found out we were pregnant on Christmas Eve... well, I found out then and then waited to totally surprise my husband on Christmas morning! I still can't believe I kept it in those few hours, but it was totally worth it!! We were both so happy! ....fast forward past those first few months that every woman deals with normal fears of miscarriage, and so many potential unknowns that we have no control over. {If you are reading this and are in those precious early weeks of pregnancy, those fears are not to be minimized by what others may be going through but are rooted in the same sin of fear that each of us have had to face even when nothing was going wrong... fight it now, because it will not go away just because you have a great pregnancy and delivery... it
will continue to take hold of your heart and rob you of years of peace...fight fear mommies and rest assured by a God of peace!} well, we made it to 20 weeks, "what? we can't see the gender? That baby just doesn't want us to know I guess. let's try again in a few weeks... still, no clear shot of boy or girl.... ughhh..." So in our search of this child's gender we headed to Prenatal Peek in Durham. And you'll never believe that they saw us 3 different times trying to find out what this child was (they kept saying that the baby was so curled up and sitting so low that they couldn't see anything) Finally, our last try... The lady who was doing the ultrasound kept looking and looking and I thought her frustration was due to the fact that she was failing to answer the question on our minds. But we found out the next week that she was upset because she was seeing something that the Dr.'s and past ultrasound techs missed and it wasn't good. So she called
our OB and they called us and scheduled a level two scan and indeed we found out that our baby had a giant omphalocele and most likely a lethal Trisomy. We couldn't believe our ears... it had been such a perfect pregnancy so far, how could this be happening to us at 28 weeks?

Since that day we have been thrown into a world of high tech medical scans, heart echos, genetic counseling, sobering talks with Doctors, NICU tours, and hospice packets. We are told no matter what our baby ends up being born with, we have a long road ahead of us and a high chance that our baby will only be with us for a short time, if the baby overcomes the 50% chance of being born alive. Talk about HOPE ladies, I don't think I have truly hoped and prayed for something like I have been the past 5 weeks.

But I do want to briefly touch on a few things that are currently helping me fight for daily faith and provide a future hope.

First, a theology of a Sovereign God. This has been something that for years I've been trying to really wrap my head around and now God is wrapping it's amazing truth around my heart. The fact that I can place my trust in a God who is totally in control and sovereignly ordains suffering in the lives of His children for His Glory and their joy is so comforting. That fact frees me from Fear, Guilt, Despair, Bitterness, Control, and Anger, and so many other sins that would be so easy to become engulfed by. It's a hard truth that so many don't understand and that many reject. But let me say that He is a Good God who has every detail of this pregnancy and the life of this child ordained and for His glory. My husband wrote Here on this more extensively.

2 books on this that I have found extremely helpful:
Trusting God by Jerry Bridges
Future Grace by John Piper

Secondly, God's People have been so used to bless our lives and to encourage us and lift us up when we couldn't. They are prayer warriors on our baby's behalf and they are there to help us fight sin that can so easily seep in to our lives when we are weak. Many have asked us how we could be so open about all this while going through this trial and all it's unknowns, but we can't imagine not having so many surround us during this time. I encourage you, if you are going through a trial please surround yourself with God's People and call upon your Church to walk through this with you. You have no idea who will impact you and how many your struggle and story will impact as well. That is how God designed the church body to work. (I've found that when I'm not sharing my burden with my church Dan and I take out so much anger and frustration on each other, the Dr.'s, and even the ladies who check us out at the Dr.'s offices.)

2 Practical ways to live this out weekly:
Start a Blog: it will give your church body and family a way to read updates and your hearts cries in a way that prevents you from becoming tired of sharing your story over and over. Many need to hear it but we can grow weary in talking to others especially when you are being vulnerable. Great Blog sites: Blogger, WordPress, Typepad.
Place yourself in a small group or Sunday school class in your local church body: You may even have felt like you didn't fit in in the past or lacked the discipline to go, but there is something about a smaller group that allows them to really take ownership in carrying your families struggles and joys during a time of great hardship. There are so many aspects where a local church can help, from finances to medical connections to transportation to giving you scripture that you need to get through this time.

Lastly, The fight for faith is a daily one. I was telling someone, it's like I'm being told I'm going to have to go through something that I can only look at and say there is no way I can go through that. But God hasn't given me the grace to get through next week or next month yet. He's given me the grace and strength to get through TODAY... and often it has to be enough to get through this hour. I find that when I'm looking ahead and focusing on those coming trials that I am missing the present grace needed to speak rightly to my husband now, the strength to get my responsibilities for today done, the joy I have complete access to in order to endure with joy my pregnancy during it's 33rd week, and the desire to run to God's word for wisdom that I will need for a conversation later this afternoon with my neighbor. We miss out on so much because we aren't living in the grace provided for today. Which ironically is the same promised daily grace that will
be given to get through those coming days that we worry about and look to with dread. (Ref Mathew 6:25-34)

2 daily acts that will encourage this outlook on grace:
Listening to hymns are a great way to saturate your hearts with sound scripture and theology of this good sovereign God! Click here for some music I have found so helpful.
Rejoice in Today: do things that celebrate what today holds. (we can be tempted to live in the quest of something to come... healing for our child, a positive pregnancy test, our due date....) But God has given you today and given you what you need for today. So, parents-to-be, go do something that you won't be able to after the baby comes (dates, trips, salon visits and even grocery shopping) Are you waiting for healing or medical answers? there comes a time where you need to turn off the computer and stop researching for a day or more. Celebrate special days, birthdays, 100 days (in the hospital, out of the hospital, of life,) bring gifts to your medical staff or special people you meet through this. Here is an example of a couple who really celebrated each day! Can't make those two pink lines appear for anything? Go on Mission Trips. You won't always be able to do those and you are seeing the world. Babysit for others. That will keep your heart soft and your vision of what kids will be like in a right light.

A side note to those who may be presently walking through medical issues with your pregnancy, lack thereof, or with your children. I am so amazed at the technology out there and the medical minds that God has given these Dr.'s. But I am also astounded and horrified at the absence of the knowledge of God in most of these hospitals and Dr.s offices. Some times Dan and I feel like we are alone when we have to stand on our ethics and beliefs in front of these people. But we still stand. We have really found that you have to really question and research EVERYTHING they tell you in regard to treatment and procedures.... especially when you're dealing with an unborn child with a possible lethal condition. But Moms, God gave these children to you and you have to fight for them, even at times with those who are supposed to be the ones giving them the best medical care possible. The medical world often clashes with the theological world. Stay alert and seek advice from Believers who are in the medical world and from your Pastors. Stay true to your instincts. We have had to leave two medical practices because we did not feel as though they respected our beliefs and desires for this child. And though that was so scary to be out on a limb like that, it was such a great decision in the end. We have had to tell a Neonatologist that she was beating a dead horse in what she kept saying to us because we felt differently about a certain procedure and that we needed to move on to a different topic. We have had to cancel procedures that we had appointments for just because we didn't feel right about it and were not comfortable doing it. All those things are not easy to do when you have someone with a specialized medical degree telling you the opposite and saying that your reasons are not valid. But Please stand strong. You won't regret it and God will be your source of strength.

3 Websites I have found so helpful:
Wikipedia (so great for looking up definitions to just about anything!)
The Ethics and Religious LIberty Commission
A Great List of medications that have been researched on the effects of an unborn child

Thanks for reading this long post. I hope you have found it helpful and resourceful in walking through what today holds and will help to equip you in trusting in a Sovereign God who WILL sustain you in the coming days and months and until He returns. It has already reminded me and convicted me of areas where I fall short daily. Blessings to you all. Casey Nichols Chappell.

Today's musings....

I'm always thinking to myself.... I should blog about this...this being whatever I"m thinking about or experiencing at the moment. funny things, ironic things, sad things, I want to share it all with you blog readers. What's sad though is that I have started blogs before and feel behind in them and so every time I would go to write something current I would feel like I had to catch up first and then that funny-ironic-sad moment doesn't seem as interesting weeks later. So, I'm trying to be better at this blog now.

I had a photo session in Wake Forest tonight of a Senior Class of 2008. (I'm able to shoot a limited number of those this summer but I'm almost done with sessions until post baby! I already feel very funny with a camera bag, camera and my ever growing belly in the heat and humidity.) But I ran across two hair clients that I've known for a long time and it was so great to see them. After living and working in WF since '99 I can't ever go there without seeing people I know!! But the thing everyone is always so sweet to ask me is "how are you doing? how are you holding up?" and I really just wanted to share on here that I am doing Wonderful!! I really have had the best pregnancy a girl could ask for. I mean, I've got the normal aches and stretching pains and such but it's all because this baby is growing! I'm so thankful that the safest place for this baby to be is within me! What a honor as it's mom to provide my child that right now. I am realizing that I am really REALLY becoming more and more attached to this baby and overwhelmed by my love for him or her! I really can't wait to meet my firstborn. I really REALLY hope each one of you have that opportunity as well.

Love you all!! I"m off to the movies on a date with my husband!! I love him!