Yep, it's late and by the time you read this it will probably be the 12th. I wish it were the 12th, then I wouldn't have to write this. I'm kinda writing this with not a lot of enthusiasm tonight.... if fact I really didn't want to write tonight at all.
I only lost 2 lbs this month. And I wish I could say it was because I probably gained a lot of muscle weight doing the exercise video I got. It's not. Because I have only done the intro part of the video a handfull of times.
The truth, I eat my feelings. And this month has had feelings. In fact all months have feelings. That's one of my battles I fight and face. I eat to celebrate, I'm talking "feel good foods". I eat when I'm insecure. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm nervous or anticipating something. I eat because I love eating with Dan when we're together... I eat when he's not around because I miss him. And in those moments writing what I ate down... isn't part of the eating my feelings plan. So, I didn't for at least 2 of the past 4 weeks.
I've never been a huge baking person but lately, I've wanted to bake everything I see, for everyone I meet.
But ultimately, it's because I choose many times monthly, weekly, daily, to live in that moment. And what feels good at that moment....when zoomed out to big picture range... isn't good at all. I don't like pain, I don't like hunger pangs, I don't like thinking through so many decisions and fighting with myself in many ways. I don't like being weak and dependent upon God in all this. I want it my way and what feels good and what I like to do and eat often reigns supreme. I know I'm making choices that are not the best for me in the big picture of things...it might seem harmless in the moment but it's war and in war nothing is harmless. I do want to keep fighting. And I know that it's only by my understanding of the power that God has given me to fight sin and that sin is powerless over me that I will ultimately be victorious over this struggle.
So keep praying for me. I'm glad I have you to be accountable to. This is humbling. But this is my journey and THIS time it's not going to end at the first really bum hard month.
So, 14 lbs.... 97 to go.
14 pounds is GREAT!! I gained quite a bit when Derek and I got married and I am still trying to lose that. It is a difficult thing to lose weight. Hang in there. I love the LiveStrong website. I use that every once in a while. Especially if I find myself slipping back and gaining weight again. it really brings things into perspective. I am praying for you!! :) I am late commenting but I just realized you posted for March and I missed it!! :D
Posted by: Amanda G. | March 22, 2010 at 01:29 PM
14 lbs is great. I know that things are hard now but it is worth it! I find that I eat for same reasons as most of the ladies who posted here. Emotional eating with a side of lack of self control. I am here to tell you that all of it is worth it when you are eating for the glory of God and to take care of His temple. Great things happen like health problems clear up!You are also teaching your children by setting a good and healthy example. Not to mention the fact that you can buy smaller sizes when you shop for clothing! Be encouraged! Take it day by day. Everything is going to be ok-not easy but worth it in the end!
Posted by: Anita | March 22, 2010 at 12:45 PM
Thank you for your honesty Casey. I just read this to Larry. I shared with him how powerful it is to have you express your stuggles so openly, yet with great awareness of the power of God to help you get through them. I've had a bad month too. With prayer and new determination may we stive to please God with our daily decisions.
i love you so much,
Angela
Posted by: Angela Gilbreath | March 13, 2010 at 08:54 PM
Stick with it, Girl-- You are doing great! One day at a time.
Posted by: Cynthia | March 12, 2010 at 08:34 PM
Keep it up, Casey...your journey is a hard one! It's NOT easy to control cravings - food has ALWAYS been my weakness. And I'm someone who has been fairly athletic in my lifetime. Food can be addicting like anything else. But you inspire me! Just the fact that you CARE, and have lost 2 lbs, not gone backward is awesome. Even if you do go backward, don't beat yourself up. Just dust yourself off and determine to make little progresses to your goal. You can do it, girl!
Posted by: Joy | March 12, 2010 at 10:31 AM
Sweet Casey you are doing great and I know that you will succeed with your weight loss! Those that wish to sing always find a song!!! Here's a little help if you like to use it, when you feel like eating when it's not quite time, just read some scripture, you'll be amazed at how full you will feel!! luv ya bunches!
Posted by: Jon and Julie Ferguon | March 12, 2010 at 08:58 AM
Praying for your sweet heart...you are fighting many a woman's battle. And it is SO worth it! I am glad you are not giving up!
Posted by: Cheryl | March 12, 2010 at 07:18 AM
2 pounds is better than GAINING pounds right?! I take my weight loss one day at a time. I have good days and bad days...days when I eat emotionally, even weeks when I simply can't get back on the wagon. I spent a month and a half at the same weight and only this week started losing again. Take heart that God has beaten this for you. You only have to trust Him. I also don't believe that eating "wrongly" is always bad. I've found that when I FEEL like I need to eat my emotions away, sometimes I just do. I talk to God about it. Get it out of my system and move on.
I knew a woman that used to go to Open Door that lost a lot of weight by eating whatever she wanted. She would eat cookies all day if that's what she wanted. She would just stop when she was full (Abellas).
I hope these thoughts are encouraging for you and that you are able to take things one day at a time in your weight loss journey!
Posted by: Liz | March 12, 2010 at 07:02 AM
This is another hard journey in your life...trying to eat healthy and all the things that go with that are to say the least a CHALLENGE! One day at a time...in all things...one day at a time! I too am an emotional eater, and over the past 100 weeks have found myself eating with every mood, finding comfort in chocolate & chips. I decided for myself in January that I want to live "healthy" as long as God will allow and thus I too began my journey. Don't beat yourself up, just get back on track and do this for you!! Love u girl
Posted by: Sharon Wilson | March 12, 2010 at 06:03 AM
praying for you! 14 pounds is still awesome. I know you can do this!
Posted by: zsera | March 12, 2010 at 12:05 AM