Good morning Son,
My night was filled with dreaming and even my dreams knew you were not here. I think my body, mind and Spirit fully understand that you are in your eternal home and not in our temporary home here in Raleigh. I miss you. Mornings and Feeding Times are the hardest for me. I long to hold you and care for you. But I know son, that you are feasting at God's table and that there is no night where you are. Christ himself causes the light of day all the time there. One day..... I will feast and feel no night.
I was so proud to be your mommy yesterday as a woman knocked on our door and wanted to talk to me. She was a lady who has given her life to living on the street and using drugs to numb any of her earthly pain. She sat and sobbed over your being gone. She has a twins in heaven....you might know them already. She said that she had gotten mad at her friend who was using crack while being pregnant and yelled at her that if she didn't want her baby that your dad and I did. She couldn't understand why you were taken away and that lady doesn't care about her baby yet will probably get to keep it. I told her that you were given to me for a time and that I don't deserve to demand what God gives me or takes away, that you were His to give and take. You have a purpose and were created for eternity as we all were. You are fulfilling your purpose by bringing God glory and enjoying all the pleasures of our Savior.
Then I turned to her frail, shaking, drunk, hungry, spent and crying body and told her that she was created for eternity and that she was clinging to the dirt and grime of this world but that she had so much more awaiting her if she would just cling to Christ. I told her (while we looked at your sweet pictures) that I too could use medicine and earthly things to numb my heart's pain over not having you but that I would be trading unending joy unspeakable for short term relief of sorrow.
She said I was so strong.... I told her that it was God's strength and that she can't understand it because she has no access to it but that if she would look to what was done on the cross for her sins and look to one who gave His son for her life then she too would have hope and a Savior who would carry her through all trials we face here and give joy that is lasting. I don't know if her heart was opened yesterday... I prayed it would be. Son, your short little life brought her to our doorstep and I was so proud that your life here was missional and will provide the opportunity for many to hear about Jesus Christ.
I know you are enjoying heaven and the presence of the fullness of joy! I know you are very happy to hear of others hearing about our Savior....it's amazing to me that you already have a soul that understands these deep great things of God. I miss you. more than I ever thought I could. But I am truly ever rejoicing that you have impacted so many and that God's ways are so much higher than my ways! I love you. ~ Your mommy.
I know that words can never help the hurt you feel so I will pray for you and your family. I know what you are going through as I myself have buried four babies. My twins, Molly and Mitchell were born at five months, two weeks from each other in Sept. 2004 and Molly lived for 1.5 hours and Mitchell for 27 hours. In Sept. 2005 we bore another son, Jr. at five months and he survived for 1.5 hours. Then in May 2007 we had another son, Keagan, he was born at 7 months so we were in the hospital with him for two months before we got to take him home just for the month of Sept. to claim his life to SIDS. He was four months old. I would have never gotten through any of this had I not had all of my strength in God and His Son. I know that my children are waiting for me and one day I will be wtih them. Until them I tell them goodnight every night and I know they are in the best hands there could ever be.
Posted by: Melissa | April 13, 2009 at 09:31 PM
Hi, I found your blog through someone else's blog and I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss. Asher was gorgeous and I admire the strength you have in your time of trial. I was in tears just hearing the song and seeing his photos. I will pray for your beautiful family.
Posted by: Erin | August 20, 2008 at 03:38 PM
How beautiful Asher was. What a change his short life will make to so many others. You are in my prayers.
Posted by: Perri | August 15, 2008 at 06:34 PM
It was a beautiful service. God was glorified and I was moved to tears and had constant goosebumps from the voices singing loudly declaring our Faith. Its times like this my heart aches with you for not just Asher but for my own child who I lost ... I have left this webpage up on my computer for the last three days so that the songs could be heard as I work. Its very comforting. I know that sounds crazy I need to comfort you but you comfort me with your faith and strength.. People told me that when we lost Olivia and I didnt get it but I guess I do now. Everyone is so saddened and so blessed at the same time.
((DAN & CASEY))
Pam Freeth
Posted by: Pam Freeth | August 15, 2008 at 09:01 AM
I came across this after seeing your son's obituary. Know that reading your story and about your faith has strengthen mine. Know that you are touching people in a way that you will never know. I don't know you, but something in me wants to have you minister to me. I think you could help me, through your faith in your pain, makes me feel that I could be healed from mine. Your son's presence in heaven is serving its purpose on earth here and in my heart.
Posted by: Joanne | August 15, 2008 at 08:51 AM
Casey,
Even though I don't know you face-to-face, I am so thankful that I am your sister in Christ. I am grieving with you and praying for you.
Leah
Posted by: Leah | August 14, 2008 at 11:01 PM
The most excellent celebration of life, eternity and Christ that I have ever seen. What an outpouring of love from the body of Christ. The church was packed.
Our citizenship is in heaven (Phil)! Asher is home. I will meet him quickly - this life is but a vapor(James).
If Tina and I can serve you in any way let us know.
Steve Wright
Posted by: Steve Wright | August 14, 2008 at 08:21 PM
Casey and Dan,
Like others, I don't know you personally, but have been linked to your story through a friend. While I can't find adequate words to express my empathy for the range of emotions that you are feeling...I do desperately want you to know that you are continuously thought of and prayed for. You have a beautiful son, who has already clearly impacted this world, and will continue to do so in amazing ways! I am amazed by your faith and your strength. Although I have cried tears for you over the past several days, I am at the same time inspired and rejoicing for Asher. My father went to Heaven to be with God unexpectedly not long ago, 8 weeks after the birth of his first grandson, and I can't help but think about the possibility of he and Asher meeting and celebrating in Heaven together! Please know that you will continue to be lifted up. Thank you.
Posted by: Laura | August 14, 2008 at 07:43 PM
Casey,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I appreciate your words in this post. It has opened some wounds from Nathaniel's death that I have overlooked, ignored, and blocked out. I would appreciate your prayers as I struggle with anger and bitterness at myself due to loosing Nathaniel. I know that it is not my fault but it is still hard after these few months.
thanks for being real and honest.
your friend,
Matthew
(father to Nathaniel still born on 5/24/08)
Posted by: Matthew | August 14, 2008 at 03:07 PM
My heart has been grieving and celebrating with you even across the states. I pray today would be the deepest worship you have yet experienced.
Posted by: Ashley Absalom | August 14, 2008 at 02:00 PM
I find myself drawn to your blogsite. I found it through a friend and find myself wanting to hear more from you. As I go through a difficult time I can not imagine your difficulty. Your stregthen is encouraging and amazing. I know that the Lord is with you and is allowing you to minister to me and others that do not know you. I thank you for sharing your heart and love for the Lord and your precious beautiful child. Be encouaged to know that you are being used to encourage and bless others. I am sorry that you are going through this pain to be an encouragment to me. Melissa
Posted by: Melissa Stirm | August 14, 2008 at 12:50 PM
A-MEN with tears.
Posted by: kari breed | August 14, 2008 at 12:43 PM
Casey and Dan,
I know Asher is so proud to have you as his mommy and daddy! I am also sure that our Heavenly Father is pleased with you and glorified by your incredible testimony! Love you both!
Posted by: Kimberly Penny | August 14, 2008 at 11:09 AM
Probably late thought-but the song would be very appropriate for his memorial service as I believe it offers solace to all grieving over him.
Posted by: Alexis Cissell | August 14, 2008 at 10:57 AM
I have been thinking the last few days what I could possibly say that would be comforting in any way. Wayne and I lost two little ones at about 3 months in utero. I do not begin to know what you are going through-all I know is that I am comforted knowing that you are letting Jesus navigate through your grief. I wonder if you have listened to "Glory Baby" by Watermark? It was very encouraging to me at a time where nothing else was. They wrote it after experiencing the loss of a baby and still to this day-it helps me. Sending love.
Posted by: Alexis Cissell | August 14, 2008 at 10:49 AM
Wow, what a great opportunity to comfort another as you have been comforted by God! I'm thankful for your example anda how you allow God to use you and be glorified through you right where you are. I know that that doesn't make life easy, but our God is good.
Posted by: Ronnica | August 14, 2008 at 10:25 AM
Listening to "Glory" by Selah, reading about your little missionary and adoring your family in these pictures caused my heart to worship this morning. I said and BELIEVED: "God, You are GOOD and FaithFUL!"
Posted by: julie sylvester | August 14, 2008 at 08:57 AM
I am nearly speechless. I don't know that, in the pain you are experiencing, I would have even opened the door to this woman who needed so desperately to hear of the love of God. I pray God will use the words you said and the love you showed from the depths of your loss to bring her to the true life change of repentance.
You are right. His ways are higher, and Asher's mission is far from over. May He bless you for being yielded to His will and His service, and may He keep your hearts strong and hold you and your husband close, particularly this difficult day and this difficult week.
Posted by: Dee Dee Rauscher | August 14, 2008 at 08:55 AM
Casey-
What you wrote here is beautiful! Those pictures are precious, you are going to forever be glad you took those. Your son is indeed beautiful. I love you both and I am praying for you. Your example of faith is so powerful, thank you for being willing to share your life.
Love.
Amanda Willis
Posted by: Amanda Willis | August 14, 2008 at 08:32 AM
children are such an incredible and unique blessing and God can use them in such amazing ways. i think their potential is overlooked a lot. it's encouraging to see your little happy boy fulfilling his on this earth when he was here so shortly! God is so good.
Posted by: Andie Wade | August 14, 2008 at 07:34 AM
i found your blog through a friend's blog. i have been praying for you and your family - for asher's health - and when i read that he has passed, i just cried. i showed his pictures to my husband and he cried. it's hard for us to wrap our heads around your loss. but i'm encouraged at how God is pouring himself out on you and how you're able to encourage others in a time of loss. your words are like a living psalm. i'm just waiting for God to say 'selah' and give you a moment's breath - but i think the knock on your door was a breath. it was a sweet reminder of how asher's presence is eternal and working just as sweetly at the right hand as jesus'. bless you and your sweet family.
Posted by: ashley | August 14, 2008 at 07:28 AM
Your son is beautiful and perfect in every way. I read your story on Prayer of Hannah and have been following it here. Know that your son's little life has a HUGE impact on this world. Celebrating him and crying with you . . .
Posted by: MMS | August 14, 2008 at 06:56 AM