Yesterday was Asher's memorial service and over 500 people attended and hopefully were encouraged to long for heaven more. We are amazed that we have so many people who love us and are supporting us. We are blessed beyond words. Dan and I worshiped and were encouraged by the truth of God's word. Thank you to each of you who came and to those who couldn't come but wanted to. So many of you spoke kind words and really loved on us.
Today I attended my first burial ever, I never dreamed it would be my own son's. I must admit it was harder than I ever thought it would be and I really struggled with being angry and I was extremely sad. But I do think it was good to really morn the loss of my baby. Again, our brothers and sisters in Christ surrounded us with love and the truth found in Christ. Honestly, I don't see how those without Christ go through something like this... I know they do but I don't see how. Truth is the only thing that I know I can cling to right now, everything else is so unstable.
Asher was buried in a "homegoing box" that was handmade by my brother and brother-in-law. I have never loved and hated something so much. I am so thankful to our families for loving us so much and so well this week. And I want to thank them ahead of time for loving us in the weeks and months ahead when emotions rise and fall.
The photo of the balloons are the 37 balloons that we let go at the burial to just celebrate the 37 weeks we had with Asher in my womb. Those weeks were so precious to us.
Also is a photo of Asher's "homegoing box" and the top of the box they built to protect it, everyone in my family wrote on it and this is what my little brother Tony (age 12) wrote on it... i especially love the "lil bro" part. So precious.
I don't really know how the upcoming days will be or what they hold.... I'm really just living one hour at a time right now. But I want to leave this post with the words that I'm clinging to with all my heart.
Because He lives I can face tomorrow
Because He lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!
Casey - I feel very timid to try to speak any words of comfort over such an occasion in your life. Anything I could possibly think of to say seems pretty trite right now.
I mostly want you to know I think of you quite often and pray for the God of all comfort to be very near in your broken-heartedness. I simply can't begin to understand why. Your heart and tenacity and reckless trust show me once again that God is so good... even the grace He gives in moments like these that allow us to hang onto Him is yet another gift.
Thinking of you tonight.
~heather dyer
Posted by: Heather Dyer | August 18, 2008 at 11:26 PM
Your strength through all this really has touched me.... I dont know you personally but I feel like I do through this blog. Thank you for sharing
Posted by: Andrea | August 18, 2008 at 10:32 PM
We're remembering you both constantly in our prayers. There will be tough days ahead, but He will hold you closer during those times. Know also that the Holy Spirit will surely quicken the spirit of your family and friends to lift you up in prayer on those difficult days. Don't hesitate to ask for anything you need....that's what we are here for. God bless you both.
Curtis, Nancy, Will & Liz Hare
Posted by: The Hares | August 18, 2008 at 12:29 PM
Always know that Asher is truley a missionary. He as well as you and Dan have changed my life forever. I have shared your story with so many and they also send their love and blessings to you all.
Posted by: Kim | August 18, 2008 at 11:12 AM
Dear Casey and Dan,
Thinking of you prayerfully. May the God of all comfort be so near you, and give you peace. I am sorrowful with you in your loss, and rejoicing with you in that Asher is with Jesus. Praying for the healing of your broken hearts.
In Christ, Jennifer Kent
Posted by: Jennifer | August 17, 2008 at 11:36 PM
Casey and Dan,
Your little Asher is a very blessed and remarkable young man. I wonder if you know what you have...You have created a life. God has given him a soul, body, personality, and life. He entered the world through blood and pain, breathed life into his lungs.
Yet Asher will live and what a life he will live! There will be life in him! He will forever live without pain. He will live and grow in the presence of the face of our Lord. He will be nurtured by your ancestors and the angels.
When the day comes when the alive on earth fulfill their destined time to join the ones in heaven, you two will have added joy as your son comes to you carried in the arms of your Savior. He might just be able to introduce you to our Jesus.
Asher has a destiny! He was chosen! You two were chosen! Do not doubt! May the grace and Love of our Most Holy Lord surround you the remaining days until His return when all things will be made known!
I love you and ache for you.
Christy MOrris
Posted by: Christy Morris | August 17, 2008 at 11:34 PM
I was sent this thru an e-mail and I thought it just might do you some good.
God's Cake
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up ith her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, ""Absolutely Mom, I love your cake"
"Here, have some cooking oil" her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or makebe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe. and He chose your heart.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here wwe might as well dance.
I hope your day is a "piece of cake!"
Posted by: Sharron Thornburg | August 16, 2008 at 10:32 PM
Still praying for you both. I know it must be hard to share all this here, but I'm thankful that you do so that God can use it in our lives as well. Our God is faithful and good, thank you for allowing Him to show Himself so through you.
Posted by: Ronnica | August 16, 2008 at 09:17 PM
so glad you had so much support at the memorial. if we were closer we would have been there. big hugs to you and dan at this time. I said aa prayer for you today. Always thinking of you and little Asher.
Posted by: Zsera | August 16, 2008 at 05:45 PM
Casey and Dan - as I read your blog and looked at Asher's beautiful pictures my mind raced back to similar moments Mike and I had with our son Noah. (I was one of the other moms that posted on my loss on the Prayer Of Hannah blog.) I just wanted you to know I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry you have to feel the pain and hurt. I'm sure so many friends and family wish they could bear that with you, lighten the load. I pray you experience their love and support today. - I experienced the roller coaster of emotions and the arms that ache because of the baby that is missing. And yet, there is joy because of my eternal hope. Just know in the days and even months ahead, I'll be one of many bringing you before the throne of our Heavenly Father.
Kristin
Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Posted by: Kristin Koning | August 16, 2008 at 05:08 PM
Bless your hurting hearts.
I am so touched by the faithfulness of your physical family and your spiritual family.
Thank you for your honesty in expressing the real, raw feelings that bombard you. Our God is faithful and will bring you through this. Praying.
Posted by: Dee Dee Rauscher | August 16, 2008 at 10:27 AM
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Asher. He was beautiful. I am so glad you took pictures and had those precious hours with him. We also lost our first son, ours at 20 weeks almost two years ago. I had a c-section as well. The days and weeks ahead will be hard, but know that we have a great God who supernaturally brings comfort and peace. He is holding your precious Asher as we speak. He must have been a pretty special boy for the Lord to want him right away. If you ever want to talk or vent feel free to email me. Much love and prayers, Marcie
P.S. a couple blogs of other women who have recently lost babies that I have found to be an encouragement are:
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
http://mom4life.typepad.com/mom_4_life/
Posted by: Marcie Nienhuis | August 16, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Dan and Casey,
Our hearts ache for you. We wanted so badly to be there at the service to support you during this time but unfortunately we weren't able to. I just wish we could take away your pain and carry that burden for you. Your faith has been a blessing to us. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has drawn so many closer to Christ!
Posted by: Cindy and Thom Asta | August 16, 2008 at 09:55 AM
I can't tell you enough how hurt we are for the both of you, but I just cannot believe how God is working in all of you! You've been such a revival to our hearts! We serve a mighty and awesome God! I also don't see how anyone could go through life without Him and His strength! Stand strong, but cry when you need to! Tears are healing to the soul, especially to us girls! He has very awesome plans for you and Rusty and I are watching every day to see what new things He has done in your life! Hang in there! Love ya'll!
Rusty and Ashley
Posted by: Rusty and Ashley Ramsey | August 15, 2008 at 11:29 PM
I wish so much that I could have been there for you, but I prayed a special prayer during the time you had the service, and I prayed for you again today.
I know John (I assume John's the brother you're referring to in your blog!) and Brad made the most beautiful homegoing box for their little nephew...
I love you guys! *hugs*
Posted by: Toni Reitter | August 15, 2008 at 10:50 PM
Casey,
It breaks my heart that I wasn't there to morn and celebrate with you and Dan yesterday, but know that my heart was with you. I love you guys so much!
Elizabeth
Posted by: Elizabeth Ladd | August 15, 2008 at 10:42 PM
Dear Casey and Dan,
Our hearts and prayers continue to be with you.
Angela and Larry
Posted by: Angela Gilbreath | August 15, 2008 at 10:02 PM
Oh Casey, he is beautiful! You are beautiful! We are praying for you and we are so proud of you and the way you are glorifying God through the very toughest of situations. Of course, we knew you would. We love you! The Campbells
Posted by: Christy Campbell | August 15, 2008 at 08:31 PM
Your loss has touched us all. I know it's difficult to write on this blog sometimes but it's helpful for us to know how you are doing and to know how to pray. I have so much to say that I'm at a loss for words. I just want to cry with you and tell you I love you.
Posted by: Traci Rafferty | August 15, 2008 at 07:50 PM