I was reading Romans 8 this morning contemplating how I would split it up for my students to memorize in the spring semester. I began this intending their good and ended up serving mine.The fact that my good was served is owing to the Holy Spirit acting in my heart upon the wings of God's Word (as my pastor would say). I have so many thoughts that occur to me as I read God's Word, observe culture, read theology and Christian books. Some of my thoughts are helpful to mention others are not and even the one's that are helpful can be jaded by my intentions, in the moment of mentioning. This thought, I feel is helpful.
People often quote Romans 8:28 and why not, after all it has a comforting message. It occurred to me this morning that believing, and quoting this verse without loving the Gospel that produces it is both ironic and horrific. "And we know that for those that love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I came face to face this week with the reality that my love for God is truly presumptuous at times, for I believe that His love for me must act in accordance with my idea of love. Now those of us who walk in theological circles would never say this is correct thinking but really ask yourself how often you practically live this way.
The fact is I have been mad at God and many of you are saying right now, that is normal, true but normal is also sinful and it is not ok for me to be angry with God. The question is why the anger? Answer; I believe I deserve to be treated a certain way because I love God. So, without a correct belief in who God is or a belief in his gospel you will have defective, damming emotions as well. Paul goes on to articulate that this working of all things for good" is because God chose to know me, predestine me, call me, and justify me to the extent that nobody can be against me because He is for me (Romans 8:29-31).The Word pierced my heart reading the next verse, Romans 8:32 (not quoted as often). "He who did not spare his own son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also graciously give us all things." Because of the death of God's son I get God, the best of all things! I also get an amazing window that helps me see my deepest pain rightly.
I do not know what the future holds for the life of my unborn child, and it hurts deeply to think that this life would be anything less than what we imagined it would be. But I do know and believe that the death of Christ guarantees the Fathers goodness to me. God is good at all times, but without the hope of the gospel I can not be assured on any level that my pain is working for me. Some would ask for more clarification on how God's goodness is at work for me in my trials. Milton Vincent, in A Gospel Primer for Christians sums this up with unreal clarity and this is something worth memorizing. My heart rejoices that these words are so true!
More than anything else could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize, instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials (Romans 5:1-5). The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28; James 1:2-4; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Preaching the gospel to myself each day provides a lens through which I can view my trials in this way and see the true cause for intelligent rejoicing that exists in them. I can embrace them as friends and allow them to do God's good work in me.
May God give us more grace to believe these things! We need this understanding to stick so desperately today.
Grace and Peace,
Dan
Just wanted to share something I found after my miscarriage that really touched me:
" If He bids us carry burden, He carries it also".
Posted by: Zsera | July 28, 2008 at 02:18 PM
Dan,
You guys are in our hearts and in our prayers.
Thank you for ministering to me with this post.
SW
Posted by: Steve Wright | July 24, 2008 at 08:54 AM
Dan and Casey,
Lindsey and I have been praying for a strengthening of faith for you and also for the health of your precious little one for weeks. After talking to Jon and Julie and figuring out who exactly you were, it made it that much easier to know what to pray. Reading your blog has been convicting and encouraging to keep updated about the baby and to see your hearts through your words. I'm sorry that we'll miss you guys this weekend!
Posted by: Matt Brogli | July 23, 2008 at 01:18 PM
I just came by to check in and see if you had posted any updates. We are praying for you here in the Murray clan still; daily. We prayed for each one of you tonight during the kids' bedtime prayers.
Your strength is amazing.
~Praying peace for you tonight,
~Angela
Posted by: Angela Murray | July 22, 2008 at 10:41 PM
Hi guys, I thought posting would be much more involved and didn't leave comments in the past due to my fear of starting "another acct" that I would forget the password to! I just wanted to thank you for your frankness in this blog. It is so exciting to see people going through the very death to self that the New Testament speaks about, all the while keeping their eyes on the prize. What a glorious testimony you have and praise God you are walking in the Spirit in the midst of these trials. I had to tell you how encouraged I am by the two of you yielding to our creator!
Also wanted to let you know I have put the word out for anyone with a condo, garage apartment, etc to contact me. Sissy said you wanted to come down the first week of August, is that right? If all else fails you are welcome to come and stay in my husbands music studio. We have converted our detached garage into the studio, it is air conditioned but does not have it's own bathroom. You would have to come into the house for that. We have two queen size air mattresses you could use also (either one on top of the other or side by side).
We love you and are grateful for the time we have gotten to spend with you two. Thank you also for the GREAT haircut you gave Kendrick. I watched that video the other day and am trying to pick up some pointers... And I still watch the slide show of Nadia and Kendrick. Golly any child of yours is going to have volumes of photos, and all of them wonderful! I wish I could take pictures of that caliber! Thank you for your many kindnesses to us.
Blessings beyond measure-
Kelly
Posted by: Kelly Gaudinier | July 21, 2008 at 10:43 PM
Dan & Casey,
I truly cannot imagine what you are feeling at this time. Your strength is amazing, a true testimony to your faith.
Knowing about loss, it's hard to accept the path that God sometimes chooses, but I do believe that in all things it is "for our good and for His glory"! Even though we are not able to see in the future, we have no clue today how God will use a situation, how lives will be changed. Healing can be happening at this very moment, and God will receive all the praise. If he chooses to heal your precious baby another way, God will still be praised!
"God is our refuge and strength. a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed." Psalms 46:1&2
May you be strengthened daily as you wait upon the Lord.
Looking forward to seeing you at church the next two weeks!
Love in Christ,
Sharon Wilson
Posted by: Sharon Wilson | July 18, 2008 at 01:14 PM
Dan and Casey,
We are so looking forward to you guys coming up this weekend and next. Just know that we are continuing to pray for you. We believe that no matter what, God will be given the glory. I could think of no other couple more deserving of a true miracle than you two. The faith that you two have displayed is simply amazing. There is no telling how many people will be touched by your experience and the two of you sharing your life! See you soon!
Jon and Julie
Posted by: Jon and Julie Ferguson | July 15, 2008 at 03:54 PM