Asher Daniel Chappell

a little gained

yep, I gained weight back this month. I don't know if I just assumed I would and so I allowed myself to or if the crazy emotional month I've had took over and I just ate what felt good at the time....probably both.

So, Ladies and gentlemen this may turn into 111 by  11.11.2011.... but whatever it takes...however long it takes... I'm on this journey. SO, don't give up on me, I'll get there. 

But I also gained a few other things this month. 

* The knowledge that having this many out of town weddings isn't conducive to quality family life at home. I have one more wedding this weekend (which I'm super excited about because they are long time friends of mine and Dan's) but I'm really looking forward to taking a break from the wedding world after this one for a while.......more about that in a coming post. 

* My photo-shop serial number. I had lost it and when I switched to a new mac I couldn't use my PS CS3 so I've been Lightroom all the way lately... which is mostly what I've always used anyway. But I have some creative projects that I want to work on this summer that I needed PS for. And I finally found the box it came in. Yeah! (moving 3 times in a year and a half will make you super excited to find anything really) 

* A Gluten Free Lifestyle. I've been going without Gluten for the past few weeks. I have had chronic hives for about 4 years and really want to find the reason behind it if I can. So, Gluten being an inflammatory food is being cut out for now. It hasn't been really difficult. I do think I've overeaten in other areas because I was compensating for not being able to have wheat....(I may or may not have gone crazy with the potatoes) which didn't help the weight loss this month. BUT I do think staying away from Gluten has helped with my hives some... I still get them and there are still a few things I need to work on trying to eliminate one at a time in order to see what helps and what doesn't.  But all in all, I think this G-Free thing is one I can live with.  (I do miss Bagels!) 

* A Better Marriage. Honestly, it's just been a heck of a month for us. We don't do too well being apart from each other for one, so there's been that. But more so, it's just been God working in us to painfully and specifically grow in areas of sanctification. I've prayed for this... and it's gotten to where I've almost told God I take those prayers back. But alas, I know better. I know there is joy beyond the pain. I told Dan the other day that pain is hard to experience but yet there is a familiarity about it that I hate but allows me not to fear it and to almost lean into it vs. running away. I guess losing a child will do that do you. Whatever it is, I'm glad God has sustained us and allowed us to feel the pain of stripping away sin and self in our marriage this month.  So, our marriage though it doesn't feel better... I know is better. 

Paul Tripp says the definition of a Biblical view of marriage is....

It’s a flawed person married to a flawed person in a fallen world but with a faithful God.“

I'm so thankful He is Faithful!!!!  Because I am not. Dan is not. But may we, in our obvious shortcomings and failures point to One who never fails and has paid the ultimate price for those shortcomings.  

111 by 01.11.11 (3 month mark)

Well, I'm not where I want to be... but I'm further than I was. 

I'm down another 6 lbs. Making the grand total -20!! I'm going to have to pick it up if I'm going to reach my goal. ( going the pace I'm at now I'd be down 80lbs by then... which I know would still be wonderful and helpful, but what's a goal if you can't at least TRY to aim for it in the end)  Dan and I talk about things we can do this summer to really spend some specific extra time on our health, since he'll be off work.   

Ya'll can really pray for me this coming month. It's my busiest month of the year with 4 trips to Raleigh for weddings. (it's just the life of a wedding photographer!!)  I remember thinking last spring, how was I going to make it through all I had on my plate. But thanks to God's grace in my life I was able to accomplish all that I had committed to.  But I've found that my weight challenges are magnified in busier times. So, just pray for strength and grace and self control during these trips. 

But I am beginning to realize that what I used to be able to commit to, I can't anymore. I don't know if it's having 2 babies, or just a new chapter in life. But things are going to have to change... simplify...adjust... I can't juggle things like I have in the past.   

I'm really looking forward to this coming month with all it's trips, I miss so many from Raleigh that I love being able to visit them. But I'm also looking forward to this summer and the time spent with my family and just being.   

March 11 (111 update)

Yep, it's late and by the time you read this it will probably be the 12th. I wish it were the 12th, then I wouldn't have to write this. I'm kinda writing this with not a lot of enthusiasm tonight.... if fact I really didn't want to write tonight at all. 

I only lost 2 lbs this month. And I wish I could say it was because I probably gained a lot of muscle weight doing the exercise video I got. It's not. Because I have only done the intro part of the video a handfull of times.  

The truth, I eat my feelings. And this month has had feelings. In fact all months have feelings. That's one of my battles I fight and face. I eat to celebrate, I'm talking "feel good foods".  I eat when I'm insecure. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm nervous or anticipating something. I eat because I love eating with Dan when we're together... I eat when he's not around because I miss him. And in those moments writing what I ate down... isn't part of the eating my feelings plan. So, I didn't for at least 2 of the past 4 weeks.  

I've never been a huge baking person but lately, I've wanted to bake everything I see, for everyone I meet.   

But ultimately, it's because I choose many times monthly, weekly, daily, to live in that moment. And what feels good at that moment....when zoomed out to big picture range... isn't good at all. I don't like pain, I don't like hunger pangs, I don't like thinking through so many decisions and fighting with myself in many ways. I don't like being weak and dependent upon God in all this. I want it my way and what feels good and what I like to do and eat often reigns supreme. I know I'm making choices that are not the best for me in the big picture of things...it might seem harmless in the moment but it's war and in war nothing is harmless.  I do want to keep fighting. And I know that it's only by my understanding of the power that God has given me to fight sin and that sin is powerless over me that I will ultimately be victorious over this struggle.  

 So keep praying for me. I'm glad I have you to be accountable to. This is humbling. But this is my journey and THIS time it's not going to end at the first really bum hard month.  

So, 14 lbs.... 97 to go. 

Month 1 complete on Challenge 111

And it's been a tough one. Not near the big start first month that I was hoping for. But I did learn a LOT about what this has to look like for me the next 11 months. So that I think has been the part that I think will help so much the next few months

First:  I lost 6 lbs.  add to that my prior 6, making that a grand total of 12 pounds lost. with 99 lbs to go in 11 months!!! so, I need to lose 9 lbs a month. Which is so doable.... especially now that I know what it takes to accomplish that, at least for right now. 

I think I lost those first 6 because of water weight after drastically reducing the number of diet sodas I drink. I think I've had about 1 a week when before I was drinking 2-3 a day! I was plumb addicted to some diet dr. pepper!  am I right ladies?!  

Then I wanted to know what calorie level I could be at to lose an average of 2lbs a week. Well, I found after week 1 at 2000 calories (a common calorie range for someone of my weight) and week 2 at 1800 and week 3 at 1500 that I HAVE to stay between 1200-1400 calories to lose weight. So I've had weight loss the past 2 weeks being at that calorie level.  

Exercise: I've been exercising about 2-3 times a week, and just got an at home video that I hope to be doing 4+ times a week in month 2! This time of year is tough to get moving. Between snow days and cold wet days and moving days.... I'm going to be grateful for spring to come and plan on getting out more!  But for now, it's bustin a move in my living room while the kids nap! 

Dan's been a HUGE encouragement to me. He's lost like 30 lbs already.. I kid you not. His metabolism is crazy good and he's great at really sticking to a program. So, He's really good for me right now. He knows my past tendencies have been to go about this far with him and when I compare successes I give up because I get so discouraged. He's asked me on several occasions, "do you feel like giving up? Please don't... you can do this" And I love that he cares for me in that way... but also I love that I can say to him back, "I don't have an option to give up this time... not at least for 11 more months, I've got too many people holding me to this and praying for me and encouraging me."   

The tools that have been crucial for me to learn about and to get into the habit of using are: 

My Plate Food Tracker    This really has been so helpful. And I'm online every day so I use it with ease. Also it lets me know with a pie chart my balance of carbs/protein/fat  I'm finding that's important for me because if I don't get enough carbs.... my hormones do NOT like me. And too much fat... well, the scale does not like me... and protein... I have yet to eat too much in that area so it keeps me focused on making sure I get enough.  

Measuring Cups and Measuring Spoons: I'm using some plastic ones that work right now.. but I'm saving for these pretty lil' things and these. I think it would just make measuring a little more fun. But I'm finding that what I feel is a Tbsp. of creamer isn't really a Tbsp.. So measuring is the only way I really know what I"m consuming. And I've been taking recipes and adding up all the ingredients and then dividing the results.  

Biggest Loser: The show just helps. There have been seasons where I didn't want to watch it because it was convicting. But it helps each week to see them giving their all... and sometimes still not losing what they wanted to. And I usually get helpful reminders about what to and what not to eat. 

Eating at Home: It just AMAZES me how many calories and fat restaurants put in their HUGE servings. So, it's been helpful, even though I tend to want to graze at home, just to stay put and cook at home. I don't see how some of you keep your weekly grocery budget so low and still eat healthy. 

Changing my Breakfast: I've always been a big breakfast eater. I've had this need to feel full after breakfast and what my mind thinks I need to fuel my body first thing is way different than it's actual needs. i.e 1 serving of oatmeal is enough. I don't need 2. So that's helped a lot just scaling down in that area, also something that I learned just the last 2 weeks.  

So, to wrap up this 111 month one post. I'll leave you with an image.  I choose it because it represents the 12 lbs lost but also represents the domino effect that I hope each month will have on the next, giving me energy and momentum to continue and excitement as I look back and see the progress.   

 

111 by 01.11.11

Strange post title I know. But it's catchy so I went with it.  

Let me explain. I've struggled with my weight as LONG as I can remember. But the past 5 years I've REALLY struggled. I've wrestled with what it was that I was using food to comfort or fix and to be honest I still don't have the perfect answer to that. I do know that over the past two years I've come to understand more what goes on inside me at the heart's level and also understanding what is most important in life. I say that as someone who doesn't have those things mastered but as one who is striving to "go there" and live for what matters, and fight the things I know shouldn't be there, and one who is trying to tap into who God wants her to be day in and day out.   

I could go on and on about how freakin busy and complicated my life has been the past 5 years but I'll spare this post that novel. I have carried so many different weights and still battle picking them up. From working too much, to worrying about finances, to scheduling unwisely, to wanting to please others, to just wanting immediate gratification,  Ultimately, I was chosing not to depend on God and trusting in His plan for my life.  Those are all things I know have impacted my struggle. 

But I want to live as one who is living in the strength and power and wisdom that God freely gives each and every day to His children. I want to really live out all He has for me and to impact as many for Him as possible without the burden of this extra weight draining much needed energy from me.  

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to fight this and even more so how many times I've talked myself out of trying because of fear of failure or just a complete inability to see God's power play out in my day to day life. Often I was doing so much at any given time I couldn't see how God would give me more strength to do any more.... or even more so, the strength to back away and do less.  

I am at a place in life where God has given me grace upon grace in understanding some (just some of the many) of the battles that go on in the depths of my heart. He's also brought me to a place over the past 2 years that I have been forced to slow life down, to see how frail life is, to see how many burdens are lifted when I am living the role God designed me as a wife to live, to see how rewarding being a mother is, to long for and work towards the Hope in Christ for future generations.  

All that to say, is that NOW is the time where with God's strength I am fighting and fighting hard in this area of weight. And just as you have walked with me through some of the darkest nights of my life, I am hoping you will walk with me through this battle. I"ve gained the strength encouragement brings and felt the power of prayers. I need them again. 

So, with a goal of just over 2 lbs a week to lose I'm striving to LOSE 111 pounds by January 11th, 2011.  (now, that doesn't get me to ideal but it does get me to where I haven't been in a long time)  

I don't want this blog to be all about weight loss and calories so I'll only be posting about it once a month...... on the 11th of course! :o)  Then is when I'll update you and share my journey and journal things that have helped or hindered me in that area. And most of all give God glory for His enduring mercy in my life month after month. 

This being the 11th I'll give you my first update:  I've lost 6 pounds. I'm simply counting calories and exercising a few times a week. One tip I've found,  My Plate is a VERY helpful tool and makes the counting aspect a lot easier. 

I love you all and Thanks for your friendship and support!! 

** and I hate blogging without putting a photo too... so enjoy this one, it's a tree on the seminary campus here and I think it's so majestic and big!