Asher Daniel Chappell

soul sigh

I've been wanting to share on here some of my mind's thoughts this past week but just haven't had the time or the words to put it in. So when I found myself being able to put it into sentences for a dear friend today I thought that it pretty much summed up the past few days. So I thought I'd just copy and paste it on here for you and just to remember when I look back and read. 

"Jack is getting cuter and cuter by the day. He's eating like a champ finally so I think that will put some baby chub on him hopefully.  I hope we get to keep him forever and always!!! But I just keep asking God to give him to us but that He knows what will best glorify His name in our  lives and Jack's. That's helped me not to fear the unknown. And I told Dan the other day. I mean even if he does go back to his mom or dad... this will have been a year that at most we've given up sleep, conveinence, and some grocery budget for formula and diapers. But to give him a sweet start to life... that's nothing in the grand scheme of things. It's not like he's making us put our life on hold.  But girl, I love me some JACK! I am smitten already in ways it took a lot longer with Zoe. Maybe that's because I know what to do and how to feel because of her. Maybe it's because she was such a "village baby" meaning so many people were involved that first month of her coming to us and so I sorta shared her with A lot of others,  (and that was a joy seeing her bring healing and happiness to so many who shared our hurt and sorrow as well) whereas with Jack it's just been me + dan + zoe + him most of the time. 

And of course looking back, I'm sure being 4 months out from having lost a baby probably did effect me  more than I realized then in those first few months of having a baby in the home. I feel so much more grounded now, more settled in my heart. it's like when my soul sighs (and it does often) it says "it is well with my soul". There is still a sadness that I don't know if it will ever go away much like I think the guys who penned it is well with my soul did so with deep intense understanding of sorrow and probably felt it while being able to say those words.  It's like my insides have a depth that wasn't there before so, while I will ache always down there.... it allows me to feel other things with a depth that I never had before as well. I still have a hard time crying over things not related to death, so sometimes I feel hardened. But I think maybe there might be life experiences coming that I might need that toughness for. Or maybe God will eventually soften that in me.  I will also say, that I am glad we had Zoe first because Jack can instantly touch areas in my heart because he's such a peanut like Asher was and he's so similar to him being a tiny white boy and the way his skin is and the way his lips are... so yeah, I don't think my heart would have been healed enough to do this a year ago. But now, it's just so easy to love him." 

God is good. 

 Defnition:  sigh

Pronunciation: \ˈsī\

Function: verb

A sigh is an audible/bearable exhalation of air arising from tiredness or from an emotion, usually sadness/tiredness, which could be stemming from feelings of sadness or simple futility

 to take a deep audible breath (as in weariness or relief)

 to make a sound like sighing <wind sighing in the branches>

 grieve, yearn <sighing for days gone by>

My note: A soul sigh is the above but directed towards God and something that no one else may see or be aware of. Sort of like a pause in the moment and letting your soul feel deeply and admit it's weariness to the Lord. And also it's yearning for the day where it won't be bound in this earthly shell and in this world of sorrow and pain.

snips and snails

I love all his little newborn baby parts. :o) 

Jack is such a good baby...... he Sleeps ALL THE TIME! which is great seeing as how he wasn't supposed to be born for another two weeks. He's eating okay but still needs to develop more in that area, we do a lot of coaxing for most bottles.  And he LOVES to be held, it's almost like I can see him relaxing as soon as I put him in my arms, so in my arms he stays a lot of the time right now. :o)
Zoe's doing great with him. The only thing is, that we're reducing the number of bottles she has a day and when I feed him his "baba" she starts this whining sound and wants to get in my lap for a baba.... thank goodness for those baby puff cereal things, they often do the trick of diversion for now.  But we still make sure she gets lots of cuddle time and interaction with us. :o) 

Anyway, soak up some baby sweetness: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...............and her highness: 

 

Meet Little Man Jack

Jack... it means God is Gracious. And indeed He is and undoubtably will prove so in the months to come as we parent this little one and watch where the Lord places him long term. 

This is a special name that we named him. We choose a different name than what's on his birth certificate for several reasons. 1. For Privacy reasons, If I'm blogging about him online I'd rather not use a name that other's might want to look up for any reason regarding his foster time here or long term placement. 2. We really love the name, and if we do adopt him it will be his name forever. 3. We love this name and meaning paired with his name his mother gave him. 

But We are soooooo happy to have him in our home. We had a great night lat night and the little guy is eating well. He's pretty content and loves to be held and rocked. And Praise the Lord he takes a pacifier really well. Something Zoe never did. (she sucks her tongue when she has something soft next to her face...it's so interesting.) 

Here are some photos I took this morning. He's still  tiny and really hasn't grown into his own body yet, but he's a handsome guy.  

 

Little Man

 I'm coming to get you today!! 

You just got out of the hospital yesterday, Grandma Joy came to pick you up and she spent the day and last night with you. Her voice was full of that "newborn giddiness" that just happens when you have a baby around you for any length of time. Yesterday was also your original due date. You were born quite early and the Doctors think you were even earlier than thought. But you proved to be a fighter. And God was gracious to you and helped you grow and become stronger and learn those basic things. We are so grateful to Him and those things are answered prayers for many. 

I couldn't sleep last night because I was excited. It seriously felt just like Christmas Eve, you can't go to sleep but you know if you just could tomorrow would come so much faster. And then I woke up this morning I bounded out of bed to get ready. I'm coming to get you today!! You have so many new aunts and uncles and grandparents ready to meet you when you get here. And so many more ready to love you when they see you for the first time.  

God created you at the perfect time in history. You weren't an accident of nature, you were ordained by a King. You have undoubtably changed lives already. I know your mother thought so much about you as you grew in her tummy. I know you helped bring joy into her life as she is going through a hard time right now. You probably reminded her often that God is the creator of life and that He is in charge of all things. Your father has already written me and told me how much he loves you and can't wait to see you. You have also been a great encouragement to him as well and I think he's going to be a good father to you even if he can't hold you or take care of you right now. 

You aren't mine. or your daddy's. But we will love you as our own until God allows you to become ours forever or till you go to live with your mother or father... and even then we'll still love you.  We are thankful that God is bringing you into our life and home. I know you will teach us so much about love and parenting and about being patient and selfless... and a host of other things. 

You have a big sister who doesn't really understand you're coming. She will soon enough. She's amazing and I hope you grow to be good friends and very close. She'll need a brother to help look after her when she's older and I know she'll love on you a lot... she's getting really good at giving kisses. You have a sister and a brother who live far away but I know they will want to know you as they get older as well. So, little man. You are loved and will be loved well.  

So, Let me just say that your mommy and daddy are glad you are coming to live with us and know that you will change our lives. We can't wait to meet you and are giddy with excitement as most new parents are. I pray that God uses you in all kinds of people's lives to show His Love and graciousness to. 

Love, 

Your Mommy for now and maybe always.   

P.S. I'm coming to get you today!! 

wrapping up a great season

Poiema Photography had a great year this year. When I was looking at our summer and throwing in moving halfway across the country, I was wondering how it would all happen. But week by week and wedding by wedding it came together and we were able to be a part of so many beautiful family celebrations!! And I just wanted to give you some links of some of the weddings we've done and show you just a little of what we've been up to all summer. So you know what I'm talking about when I'm going on and on about having so much editing to catch up on.  These aren't all the weddings just a few to show you. You might want to pause the music player on the side of the blog before playing these slideshows. Enjoy! And if you know of anyone getting married in 2010... send them our way! 

Britney and Brennan's Wedding in Raleigh

 

 

 

 

Tina and Danny's Wedding in Florida

 

 

Ginny and Stephen's Wedding in Texas 

 

 

Heather and Brian's Wedding in Raleigh 

 

Genna and Clark's Wedding in Louisburg

 

 

My 11 month old sweetheart

She truly is a sweetheart. Loves to give kisses whenever we ask for them and wakes up happy every morning ready to snuggle with her mom.  Yesterday she was taking a nap and I couldn't help but to take these pics of her sweet feet under her sweet bum. 

 

 

And yes, Girls are so much fun to dress up and so Dan and I LOVE getting her all dolled up to go anywhere. If we find ourselves in a Baby Gap... it's over. She just is so much fun to get stuff for. So every now and then we'll get her an outfit and Grandma Judy bought her these cute crocheted hats with bows and OMG does she ever look precious in them.... especially since she doesn't have much hair to keep her warm these days. 

 

Check out those two front teeth! She now has 3 on top and 1 on the bottom. 

 

update on the baby

Well, I think this baby was more premature than everyone thought. I think the Doctors said that they thought that he might have been about 6 weeks premature. So that being said, he is still in the hospital learning how to be a newborn. We don't have much more information than that and I'm learning to be okay with those facts... or the lack thereof.  

So, maybe later this week we'll be cuddling a little one or it might be next week. We're trying to write and see if we can visit the mom this coming weekend. So much is lost in communication when you can't talk face to face. But I know she'll be needing some love and tenderness as she's probably still healing from childbirth and grieving not having him close by. 

So, we wait. 

I'll keep you posted.  

Zoe's first Halloween

One of Dan and I's first arguments during dating was actually on the subject of Halloween and how our kids would celebrate or not celebrate it....I think we even got on the santa clause or no santa clause issue as well. Yep, we hit the road running when it came to dating.  Looking back I wouldn't recommend talking about your future kids and how you will raise them on one of your first dates with someone. Little did either of us know then.  

I, having a tendency to want to be legalistic and wanting rules to follow, held to the fact that never would my kids celebrate this holiday, except maybe in a safe fall festival environment. Dan however grew up having wonderful memories of this fun filled day for their family. And as is the case with so many things Dan and I have come together and have made this what we feel it should be for our family. It's amazing the leading and the wisdom and peace that God gives parents in decisions when that time comes in their life to make them. And He is the one that each of us are accountable to in these decisions. So we are all free to respect each other in how we celebrate, how we not celebrate, how we live each and every day according to the leading of God in our own families.  

This was a great article I read today and really encouraged me about this holiday in particular. 

http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvchildren/?p=175

This year, we had a wonderful day together and went to brunch at a mom and pop pancake house here in Fort Worth and then to Sam's club. As usual Zoe got tons of attention and sporting her new crocheted hat with a bow only brought oodles and ahhs from all.... even the oldest little men stop and talk to her. I love it. So, all you shy people with little ones, I don't see how you do it when you go out shopping.  

We really would have loved to have a neighborhood to walk around in and get to know our neighbors but living in seminary housing most people were out at their own church's event or desiring to stay in with their families. We look forward to possibly having a new neighborhood next year to walk around and get to know.  So tonight we headed out to our church The Village in Dallas. we walked Zoe around and met some great people. It's hard being at a brand new church and not knowing anyone. They have four services on sunday so even meeting someone, you might not run into them again if they go to different services than you. But Dan and I really love this church already and can't wait to see how God will use them in our lives and vice versa we hope.  So, meeting people tonight was a blessing... although come to think of it I don't know if I"ll recognize Thing 1 and Thing 2 or the Chinese Geisha even if we were at the same service. :o) oh, well... hopefully they'll have less trouble recognizing this cute leopard and come up to us when we meet again. 

I hope you had a wonderful day today! 

 

 

little one

I haven't even met this baby yet and already he fills my thoughts. But then I can't think about him too much because I'm trying to fit three weeks of work into this one week. And so in a way it's good that I'm occupied... but I'm also a stress ball. I think hours of computer work makes me tense all over so I feel physically stressed even when I don't have a reason to be emotionally stressed but me being a female, it's all tied into one big plate of spaghetti where everything effects everything. So, I thought blogging a little might help me take a load off my tight shoulders since watching TV doesn't seem to cut it right now, (and I'm saving my DVR'd shows for those middle of the night feedings that are coming my way soon)  

To update you on things, The baby is doing well. We found out today that the doctors actually think he was born 6 weeks premature. So he struggled with sucking and feeding. He's been on a feeding tube and in the NICU up till this week. But now he's in the regular newborn nursery and he's weighing in a 6lbs 2oz. So he's still tiny but growing!!  They think he'll get to come home this weekend. So I think we'll be picking him up either Sunday or Monday...maybe sooner. ?? 

I know this is going to be a challenge like no other. He has a daddy that wants to be a daddy to him but hasn't been able to live life free of drug dependance for the past 10 years. His mom, has had two previous children taken from her and now I'm sure is confused about her relationship with this guy, her future, her emotions, her body, her surroundings.. everything. Both are claiming to be placing their trust and faith in Christ and I think that He is the only One who can right these wrongs and bring this family together in whatever way that is to look like.  

Communicating with these two in prison is difficult. Right now, they are only allowed to write letters and send them snail mail. (not one of my strong points) So it's been hard to find the time and the words to say as we write back and forth. 

And Dan and I know that this child is ours to care for and to love but not nessisicarily to call our own. We hope that it may come to that if that is what is best for this boy and his family. So, I am thinking all the time of the fact that I want this boy to know he was loved from day one and welcomed even lovingly anticipated into our home! I want him to have the things that make up a heritage even from the start. But how do I pour into him all the things we've given our daughter so far knowing that he may leave and never remember them and also those things will have knit him deeper into my heart. I don't know how. But I do know I have to pour anyway and treat him as my son but know that he's not mine. 

I've said before that God taught me through Asher that our children aren't our own and that they are God's to be used however He seems loving and fit. But I don't know that it's supposed to be a lesson I learn and there, it's understood and applied to any child in my life, no problem.  I think it's more of a daily thought and prayer that my soul murmers to God as I fall asleep and pray that my child is alive the next morning when I go to pick her up, as I buckle her into the car knowing I can't control other drivers actions, as I bring a newborn into my home who had a rough start and is still learning the basics of being a newborn, as my love for him grows with each feeding and milestone, as the thought of future pregnancies pop into my mind and the fears that come with those thoughts.  

Lately, I've been asking God to give me the faith to believe that He truly won't put on me more than I can bear. Some things I think about I don't know that I could bear and when those fears come I just tell God that if He wants to bring things into my life then He HAS to bring the grace and the trust as well and in abundance!!  

Writing all these things, I hope you understand that it's a way of preaching to myself. It's so easy to write it down... but I can go to bed here in 10 minutes and be plagued with the very fears I mentioned that God has control over.  I hope I am not and I hope I can be filled with belief.  I can write about fostering and the desire of our family to live out the gospel to the helpless, but Dan and I still argue about the situation and the fears and misunderstandings and lack of information that we have about the whole thing. We still have our moments of questioning if this is right for us. We still want answers and a clear plan of how this is going to go, and we act ugly when we don't see a green line popping out in front of us telling which way to go next.  

But God, (love those two words) being rich in mercy!!! He sustains us and gives us the ability to forgive each other, to not have expectations of others involved, to confess sin and fears to each other, to keep going every day trusting Him for the outcome.  

Life as we know it is about to change....again!

Last month God brought my parents together with some long time family friends for a sweet time of fellowship. During that time they found out that their granddaughter was about to give birth to a baby boy and needed a home for him because of some choices she had made and she was serving time in prison and didn't know when she would be getting out.  

My mom called us and just asked us to think and talk and pray about this little one in need of a home. So we did. And we decided that this was truly a baby in need that we could provide a home for. It would be a foster situation but not through the state. The baby's mom might be eligable for parole this summer and if that were the case and she felt like she could parent and it were deemed so then she would be able to regain custody of this little one. If not, then we would have first option to adopt. In situations like this, things can change on a dime and that's why I've waited until now to even share this on my blog. So, just know that all this can change and that's okay,  but I know that no matter what this family needs our prayers!

The baby was born last Friday October 16th and due to being three weeks early is having some breathing and eating problems but is slowly but surely gaining weight and learning how to suck. He is still being cared for in the NICU and we've been praying for him and checking on him every day. Nothing was for sure and to some extent still isn't, but we found out today that his mommy wants us to be his foster parents and to have legal custody of him until she knows what life holds this next year for her. 

So, again, in a matter of weeks God has brought a tiny helpless one into our lives to embrace and love. Does this loving bring risks with it? Yes. Will it possibly bring heartache as we care for him only to reunify him with his mother? Yes. But is there great reward as we truly care for the helpless? Yes. Will this further teach us great dependance upon God for daily strength? Yes. Could this baby be used of God to change his own mother's life? Yes. Could this baby grow up and change our lives? Yes.   

I leaned over the other night and asked Dan if we were crazy for considering this. And he thought a minute and said, "Casey, if this is Crazy then I'm okay to be Crazy! Sometimes the way God calls us to live out the Gospel is Crazy."  

So, Just as I asked you about a year ago to pray that God's will be done in this new baby's life. I ask you again. Pray for him, for his lungs and sucking ability, Pray for his mommy who not only had to leave the hospital alone but go back to a place that is a difficult place to be. Pray that God comforts her as she morns, Pray that God is her strength as she faces her past and rights the wrongs she has done, Pray that while in Prison God would continually show her that He is true freedom and true forgiveness of sins. She does claim to be a believer and is showing signs of growth. So she has a lot of time that she is able to devote to her new life with Him. Pray she will use that time well.  Pray for us as we prepare in all ways for another baby to come live with us. 

We have all we need to care for him and with Zoe about to get off formula we will be able to not have to overlap that expense. 

So, just Pray and Encourage us in the coming weeks. So many of you know the joys and the energy needed to raise two small children. We will be needing those reminders that it can be done. Dan's parents will be here in a few weeks and with my parents and family near by I know that this child will be loved by many and well cared for. 

We will keep you updated and hope to provide photos and his birth announcement with his name and stats very soon!!!